


You Put the Boom-boom Into My Heart

by kingkoblih



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-21 03:45:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 22,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9530171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingkoblih/pseuds/kingkoblih
Summary: An AU where Emil Nekola's reason to feel he failed as a human is the fact he's had an artificial pacemaker on his heart since he was fifteen.





	1. On the Way

„Dad! Dad, hurry up, we’re gonna be late!“

                Michele reached up to the coat hanger. He brought a small blue coat down and handed it to a little boy whose clumsy hands grabbed it instantly. He was still too little to zip and button the coat up, but big enough to push his arms through the sleeves and have the coat actually the right side up. Though it might take a bit longer than a parent would like. Michele wasn’t the one to care, though, they had enough time, as much as the excited kid liked to say otherwise.

                “We’re doing good, Dani, don’t worry,” he assured the boy with a soft smile and he jammed a warm hat on the little boy’s head.

                “Is the bear right today, daddy? You made him look to the side yesterday,” the boy’s eyes were concerned and it made Michele laugh quietly. He made sure the ears and the bear face on the brown knitted hat were facing forward. The day before they were in a bit of hurry when leaving the kindergarten. And little Dani was so sensitive over his things. Whether it was a plushy or a piece of clothing, Dani loved and cared for his things as much as he cared for people around him. He wondered _who_ he got that from.

Michele wrapped a striped scarf around the boy’s neck and carefully zipped and buttoned the warm coat. One last check if everything was on its place and he kissed Dani’s nose. The boy wrinkled his nose and chuckled.

                “Dad! That tickles!” he exclaimed and hid his face with his tiny hands.

                “See! We forgot the gloves! A kiss always makes things show,” Michele laughed and turned around, looking for the gloves with little bear faces on them. “Now, where did we put them yesterday, do you remember?”

                “They’re in my pocket. I’ll put them on,” Dani replied. Michele knew there was no way his little boy would do it right, but he let him. He liked that Dani was being independent. Instead, he put on his own coat and a scarf and waited for Dani to win his fight with the five-fingered monsters.

The boy was five. His dark brown hair was getting a bit longer than he would like, but they didn’t have much time to go to the barber these days. He was small. Smaller than kids his age at the kindergarten. But he could take care of himself no problem. No one ever made fun of him. There was always a slight blush on his cheeks contrasting with the olive skin. His chin was sharp and his nose was like a button, always ready to smell something new. The only thing that was giving Dani away were his eyes. They were brown. Not blue like Emil’s, not purple like Michele’s, but brown. They brought Dani home almost three years ago and since then he’d been the light of their lives. He was their baby, their lovely son, the little bundle of happiness they spent all their time with. They took him everywhere with them, even to competitions. There was no way a nanny would be looking after him. They _wanted_ Dani and they were going to take care of him _on their own,_ no matter what.

                “Stuck,” the boy muttered and looked up at Michele, rising his hands towards him. The gloves were still a bit too much.

                “That’s okay, sunshine, you’ll try again tomorrow,” Michele leaned down and helped the little fingers nest in the gloves. “Do you have the picture for daddy? We don’t want to forget that,” Michele reminded. Dani grabbed the sheet of paper from the shoe cabinet and nodded.

                “Yes!” he said simply. “Daddy said he likes dogs, right?” he looked at the picture once more. He got a new pack of coloured pencils the previous day, so he decided to draw daddy Emil surrounded with big fluffy dogs. Michele loved his pictures. Dani probably wasn’t going to be good at sports, he was rather clumsy and, although he loved watching his dads on ice and often came to skate with them, they could see in his eyes that he was the happiest with a crayon or scissors in his hands.

                “Yes, dogs were always his favourite,” Michele nodded and opened the door for Dani to go outside. Quick check – keys, wallet. All in his pockets. They could leave.

                “So why don’t we have a dog?” Dani kept asking. He was always ready to ask, he was very curious and Emil and Michele noticed that very early.

                “Because dogs need a lot of attention and a lot of care. And we keep travelling all the time because of the skating.” Michele said simply.

                “We could take him with us,” Dani argued as Michele took his hand and they started walking down the street. The snow was everywhere. Michele couldn’t remember a winter that would be as tough as this one.

                “No, that would stress the poor dog too much. But maybe when we’re older and don’t travel too much, we’ll get one. Would you like that?” Michele asked. Dani answered with a little nod.

                “Yeah. But just a small one. Big dogs are scary.”

Michele squeezed Dani’s hand a bit and smiled. He loved these conversations. Their little son was so pure and soft, sometimes he worried about what would happen to him when they’d have to let him go. When Dani’s older, won’t other people just rip him into pieces for being so precious and honest?

                “Alright, just a small one. Daddy Emil used to have a schnauzer, you know what dog that is? The one with a long beard.”

                “Those look so funny!” Dani laughed and looked at his picture again. “Maybe I should’ve drawn a schnauzer for him, then.”

                “Don’t worry, sunshine, dad loves all dogs just the same. And the picture is beautiful, he’ll love it,” Michele assured the boy and picked him up to carry him over an icy patch on the sidewalk.


	2. The Sad Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was actually her who introduced them. As Michele later realized, Sara had been talking to Emil since the training camp and they became good pen pals and Internet friends. She knew her twin brother was too proud and too shy to ever go to a younger kid, so she was glad to be of assistance to let those two meet each other.

Michele was eighteen when they met for the first time. It was during a training camp in England. Michele was enjoying his second year in the senior division, his results already quite good. Emil was a newbie. From what he heard, the Czech guy was a former ice hockey player and had almost no experience with figure skating. Besides, even at his young age, he was freakishly tall. He didn’t look like a figure skater at all. Yet, for some reason, he made it to the prestigious training camp with the other best skaters of the Europe. _He must be really wealthy. Probably had his place here bought by his rich parents. What a waste of space._ Or, at least, that was what Michele thought. And, apparently, he wasn’t the only one. None of the juniors seemed to speak to the cheerful fourteen-year-old Czech.

But the annoyingly happy kid never gave up. He kept asking. And he asked good questions. He wasn’t afraid to come for advice to the seniors, either. Whenever something caught his eye, he was on his way to the person to ask. “How did you do this? Where do you put your right foot? Was it from the inner edge? Did putting the arm up help you?” He was extremely observant and the progress he made in just two weeks left everyone impressed. His coach, some guy Michele never really heard of before, was very pleased and the Czech team soon got the deserved recognition.

When Michele arrived to a competition a few months later and saw Emil’s name on the list of junior competitors, he couldn’t help but come to the stadium a day earlier to watch the juniors. He wasn’t ready for what was going to happen before his eyes, though.

Being fifteen, Emil’s triples were so confident and precise even Michele felt ashamed for his own. Sure, the Czech’s step sequences were quite wobbly and he struggled with pirouettes. But his speed was always great, the jumps were astounding and, most importantly, the joy he put into his routines was unbelievable and so catchy Michele couldn’t help but smile the whole time. He was beyond impressed by the amount of progress this newbie did in such a short time. Michele got interested in him and it was just a matter of time for the two of them to become friends. Especially when Sara got into it.

It was actually her who introduced them. As Michele later realized, Sara had been talking to Emil since the training camp and they became good pen pals and Internet friends. She knew her twin brother was too proud and too shy to ever go to a younger kid, so she was glad to be of assistance to let those two meet each other. Emil looked so happy when Michele told him he liked his routine. He always looked so happy! Later that night they went to have dinner together. The word gave a word and soon they became friends. Not just him and Emil, but all three of them. And Michele felt amazing. It was his first friend, after all.

Their relationship wasn’t always bright, though. Sometimes he couldn’t understand how he could be so stupid and think Emil would ever like Sara. _His_ Emil. It made him laugh every time he thought about it. However, when he was young, Mickey was very short-tempered and, well, some things are hard to overcome. He was very close with Sara and didn’t want anyone to take her away from him. He also didn’t want Emil to be taken away. And if they ended up together? He’d lose both at the same time. Unacceptable. But other than that, he enjoyed Emil, even if it didn’t seem like it at some times. Emil was enthusiastic, always happy, cheerful, ready for fun and action. Sometimes Michele just couldn’t keep up with his energy. But he tried to push all these bad thoughts out of his mind. There was, however, that one bad memory he couldn’t erase. The one that changed everything.

That particular Rostelecom Cup was just one weird event to him. Both back then and now when he thought about it again. It was the year Yuuri Katsuki took the figure skating world by a storm with Viktor Nikiforov as his coach. He himself gave probably the best performance of his life. The _Serenade for two_ still played in his head when he remembered Moscow. Unfortunately, it also reminded him of Emil’s fall.

It wasn’t a big fall, nothing too bad. But he’d never seen the Czech so tired during his free skate. That boy, well, at that time a young man already, had some stamina. Even with all the quads he could do, he’d never lose any of his cheer or energy. He came to the ice just in time to see Emil jump one of his fabulous jumps. But then…

A slip. A basic slip. That never happened to the precise skater Emil was. He could jump a quad with his eyes closed, that’s why people sometimes thought Emil was a robot. But with the slip, Michele gasped. Emil was okay, but he could clearly see how tired his face was. How tired _he_ was. It was surreal. When Emil finished his routine, Michele was sure he’d kick the bucket right on the ice. But he didn’t have time to ask his friend about it, it was his time to give the performance of his life.

When he finally got back to the cabin to change, it was rather crowded. The skaters all standing in front of the door, mostly along with their coaches. All except Emil. Sara was there too, already speaking with the others. They all seemed bothered and worried.

“What’s going on here?” he asked and approached his sister. She spoke in quiet Italian to him.

“Possible doping,” she whispered, her eyes shifting around as if she was worried of being heard saying that.

“What? Who?”

“Emil.”

Michele’s jaw dropped. That couldn’t be true. Emil? He was the one person who always dwelled on fair play. That couldn’t be.

“But… What? That’s bullshit, Emil would never do that!” he started cursing in Italian. Probably way too loudly as everyone turned around to him.

“Calm down, Mickey, nothing is proved right now. Maybe it was just a… a…”

“It better be a misunderstanding,” Michele huffed out and crossed his arms on his chest. He looked way angrier than usual, which made Sara twice as worried. Her friend was in trouble and her brother was, well, beyond mad. She bit her lower lip and stared at the closed door of the cabin.

In a few minutes the door finally opened. As soon as Michele saw the sleeve of Emil’s blue cyborg costume, he was ready to start yelling. That was until he realized the tall young man was being supported from both sides by his coach and another man in a suit. Emil looked terrible. His face was abnormally pale and his eyes weren’t focusing.

“Emil? What’s going on?!” the Italian was starting to panic. His friend could barely stand on his feet and before all of them could collect themselves from the shock, there were paramedics taking care of the Czech. Michele could hear Sara whimpering next to him and quickly hugged her from the side.

“It’s okay, don’t look…” he whispered, rubbing her back gently. He himself couldn’t get his eyes off his friend, though. He felt like crying. Was it possible? Did Emil take something before the competition? Did he overdose? He didn’t know. All he knew was that this was not his friend. This pale pile of muscle and hair dressed in a blue costume wasn’t the Emil he knew.


	3. I Owe Them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It still sounded terrifying, even after all those years. His friend never told him about it. Now when he thought about it, he realized that Emil was absent for one season when he was fifteen. They never really talked about it, he always said it was medical issues, but refused to speak in more detail.

He didn’t talk to Emil for good two months after that incident. No, Emil didn’t dope. Of course he didn’t, that was just as unlikely as him dating Sara. A few hours later Emil’s coach came to the press conference to announce that Emil was in hospital with some minor cardiac problems. He said that it was a long-term problem with the Czech skater and nobody should worry. He was stabilized, everything was okay.

Later Michele found out that one of the technicians heard Emil saying something about changing batteries and saw his coach giving him a shot of an unknown substance. Since the Czech skater looked pretty bad and it was all quite suspicious, the person decided to report it. It was a “better safe than sorry” situation. That’s where the allegation of doping came from. Turned out, Emil had a pacemaker on his heart that stopped working properly.

_Emil had a pacemaker._

That still sounded terrifying, even after all those years. His friend never told him about it. Now when he thought about it, he realized that Emil _was_ absent for one season when he was fifteen. They never really talked about it, he always said it was _medical issues_ , but refused to speak in more detail.

So, after this, Michele cut any ties with Emil. First because of the doping allegations. He couldn’t be seen with anyone like that. When that was solved and cleared out, he still didn’t answer any of his phone calls and messages. When they met at a competition, unlike his sister, he just turned around and left. Later he had to explain his strange behavior to Emil. Though he couldn’t quite explain it even to himself. He was… worried.

He was worried he would hurt the other man. Suddenly he knew Emil wasn’t unbeatable, that Emil was only a human, just like him or anyone else. It felt like he lost one of the certainties of his life. There were so many things he wanted and needed to know, so many things he wanted to ask Emil about. He felt that without knowing it, he might not be able to help his friend if he felt bad again. But, in the end, everything was fine. Emil and his Czech cheer got him once again. With one hug, one arm dragged over Michele’s shoulders, he was able to calm the man down.

This was way before they started dating, but even then Michele flushed. Not with embarrassment, but, and it is safe to say now, with happiness. Did he really think he could last without Emil for so long? Without his motivational morning messages? Without the pictures of every dog Emil ever met? Without his rambling about new movies and the other sports he did? He was truly a foolish man. And throughout his life, Emil made him realize so many important things he didn’t know he would ever need.

Emil’s heart was doing fine since then and he spent some time in Italy, too. Not only visiting the Crispinos, but also practicing with them. He showed Mickey and Sara the little bump on his chest. He even let them feel it under his skin. That was the little box keeping Emil alive. It was hard for Michele to understand this. Emil was on constantly on the verge of dying, but it didn’t seem to bother him in the slightest. He was always smiling, always ready to do something absolutely crazy. And as much as it made Sara laugh, Michele had his doubts. He frowned. He was worried. Since then, every time Emil didn’t answer his messages for more than a few hours, Michele was terrified something happened to his friend. In fact, at that point Emil was way more than just a friend. He was Michele’s companion in life. He couldn’t imagine a day without him. It was probably then his feelings towards Emil started developing. But he still didn’t know about them. In fact, for the longest time Michel considered himself straight. Another thing to make him laugh now. How could he ever think that? Girls never interested him, he never really liked them. Yet it took him so many years and one Czech idiot to figure it out. Not that he was complaining.

It was sad that most of the strongest memories he had with Emil were rather tragic. Of course, there were good ones too, like bringing Dani home or buying their first house together. But there was still the bitter reality reminding him what circumstances even lead to all this. They got together when Michele was twenty three. Emil was nineteen. It was only a year after the Rostelecom disaster. Emil had an amazing season behind him and even better one to come, it seemed. His routines improved significantly and the Czech skater was on his peak. And he felt it. Everyone felt it.

Of course, Emil never skated to win in the first place. It was something Michele didn’t understand until he was older. But Emil skated simply because he enjoyed it. Because he _loved_ it. That was a reason for everything he did. He put himself into it and made everyone well aware that what he did was what he loved the most in the world (and of course he made this joke during making love to Michele once, too). But that season was different. Finally, Emil had a chance to excel in what he loved. Michele was sure his friend would collect medals no problem that year and it all should’ve started at the European Championship. Emil had the advantage that the EC was taking place in his home country, in Ostrava. Michele was sure this would pump the young man even more into giving the performance of his life and showing the Europe that Czech figure skating was not dead yet.

If only the life was on Emil’s side for once. He found it so unfair that his cheerful friend couldn’t have anything he deserved, but in the end, all he could do was sit on the edge of Emil’s bed in the hotel room.

“How’re you feeling?” he asked. Emil looked terrible. They both knew it, but Michele couldn’t say it out loud. As blunt as he usually was, with Emil it was different. Emil couldn’t feel this bad, he just _couldn’t_. And as long as no one said it loud, it wasn’t true.

“I’m telling you, it’s not that bad.” Emil replied with a wide smile on his lips. His eyes were tired, though and the more Michele looked at him, the more he thought Emil looked a few years older.

“Your coach said you scared everyone, you idiot, how is it not that bad?” Michele huffed out angrily.

“I’ve had it worse!” Emil chuckled lightly. “Come on, just be happy I’m fine and don’t ask too much. Did you get me the number?”

“Yeah, but-“

“Then give it to me.” Emil commanded his Italian company and reached for his phone. He had a quest for Michele before he allowed him to come visit him. He desperately needed a phone number of the championship’s ambassador. For that year it was Tomáš Verner, a former Czech figure skating champion. Why the number was so important to Emil, though, was a mystery. Michele gave him the number and listened to a rather long phone call held in Czech. He didn’t understand any words, but was sure Emil was asking and begging for something. In the end he saw the good old spark of cheer in his eyes and raised his eyebrow when the call was finally ended.

“What was that about?” he asked the man in the bed.

“I’ll skate.”

“You’ll WHAT?!”

“I’ll skate.” Emil repeated in a calm voice. “Not at the competition, I’m not an idiot,” he added quickly, seeing the anger growing inside Michele and forming into a one big scream in his throat.

“You can’t skate, you dumbass, you just almost got a heart attack!”

“I have to-“

“You don’t have to do anything! You need to rest!” Michele stopped any effort of the other one to explain himself. “You are ill and you need to stay in bed for as long as the doctor tells you, you understand? I don’t want to see you like this again!”

It was a bit more than Michele intended to say. He hated himself for saying it. Emil didn’t owe him anything, the last thing he wanted was making his friend feel bad for what happened to him. That was not what he meant…

“Mickey, I’m the only Czech who qualified. We don’t even have a substitute. I owe it to the people here. They came here to cheer for me. I will skate at the exhibition. I need to show them that I care.”

It was the first time Michele saw Emil this serious. The loud, annoying young man was so calm and… mature. It took the breath out of Michele’s lungs, he wasn’t able to speak, to say anything. He knew Emil was right. But he also knew that he was right and Emil needed to rest in the first place.

“No quads,” he ordered him after a little while of dense silence.

“More like no jumps,” Emil laughed softly and lowered himself on the bed a bit. He was visibly tired.

“I’ll come check on you in the evening, okay? After my practice,” Michele pat Emil’s shoulder lightly. He so desperately wanted to do more for him, to hug him, to comfort the young man, to tell him everything was going to be okay, but his manly pride didn’t allow him to do so.

“After the practice,” Emil repeated with a slight nod. “Tell Sara I’m rooting for her. I’m sure she’ll kick ass tonight,” he added before his eyes closed. Michele took the phone from Emil’s hand and placed it on his night table.

“Sure thing. I’ll bring her with me tomorrow. Call me if you need anything.” Michele almost whispered the last bits. He was sure Emil fell asleep the second his eyes closed. He grabbed his backpack and left the room as quietly as he could.


	4. The Convincing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wasn’t sure what it was, but there was something in Emil’s voice and his eyes (and later he realized it was in his touch, too) that calmed you down and made you do what was the best for you. It was one of his gifts along with being a great chef and a natural born meme lord.

“Dad, we should bring daddy Emil a dog plushy,” Dani mumbled, curled up in Michele’s arms. His head was resting on Michele’s shoulder and his brown eyes were looking somewhere behind them.

“Isn’t dad a little too old for plushies?” Michele asked, but was striked by the ridiculousness of his question immediately. Emil was the kind of a parent who bought Dani toys just so he could play with them on his own. “You’re right, let’s get him a dog,” he laughed softly and headed to the nearest toy shop.

The town had a shopping mall, but that was in the center. Michele preferred staying on the periphery, shopping at the small shops and markets owned by local residents. The whole town soon knew their family and Michele was grateful for all the support they always got.

“Good morning, Mr. Crispino! What’s the occasion today? Don’t tell me we missed Daniele’s birthday again?” the man behind the counter, a man in his fifties called Ricardo, who lived just two streets from them, asked.

“Good morning,” Michele replied and bounced Dani in his arms a bit to remind him to do the same.

“Good morning, Mr. Ricardo,” Dani said, making sure to pronounce every single syllable correctly. “It’s not my birthday, we’re looking for a dog for my dad.”

Michele noticed the pitiful smile on the older man’s face, but he didn't pay much attention to it. He put Dani down on his feet and took the bear hat off so that his little boy didn’t overheat in the shop.

“Your dad must’ve been really good if he deserves such a big gift!” Ricardo laughed with his low, melodic voice and he walked from behind the counter to take Dani’s hand, leading him towards the right shelf. This was a ritual for the child. They always let Dani pick his own toys with Ricardo. Well, ever since he was big enough to do so, anyways. Michele walked a few steps behind them, watching the patch of reflective fabric in the shape of a star wiggling on Dani’s butt. Emil was crazy about these, safety was his specialty ever since he finished university. He was always a bit too paranoid about Dani’s safety, but Michele wasn’t mad about it. It was better to be safe than sorry and, in fact, it saved Dani a whole lot of injuries and broken bones. He himself would never think of some of the safety hacks Emil learned about at school.

“Dad? You’re not listening,” the child suddenly tugged at the rim Michele’s coat. The Italian caught himself staring at a toy car display.

“Of course I am, sweetheart. Did you pick anything?” Michele leaned down with a curious smile. Dani raised his little hand up, he was holding a plastic dog figure. Not too small, not too big, just enough for Dani to wrap his fingers around with its head and tail sticking out.

“This one.”

“Didn’t you say you want a plushy?”

“But this one has the beard, daddy. And Mr. Ricardo said dad will like this one better,” Dani replied. His eyes slid back down to the dog figure and Michele would swear he heard the child say a quiet “woof”. He picked his son up and brought him to the counter.

“I think we’ve got the winner, Ricardo,” Emil handed out his wallet and gave the cashier a paper bill. “Thank you,” he added quietly.

 

***

 

Sometimes he had trouble convincing Dani to do something. Emil was always great at that, so he let these jobs to him. He wasn’t sure what it was, but there was something in Emil’s voice and his eyes (and later he realized it was in his touch, too) that calmed you down and made you do what was the best for you. It was one of his gifts along with being a great chef and a natural born meme lord. Michele was sure back in Ostrava Emil used this gift on him for the first time. He was mad, furious that Emil wanted to skate in his state. He had a cuple of days to get his body and mind back together, but it seemed as an awfully short time considering how bad the Czech looked. And, for some reason, Sara supported him in his decision. Mickey felt betrayed by everyone.

“Mickey, please. Just give me a chance. I won’t do anything dangerous,” Emil sighed.

“You getting out of your bed is dangerous,” the Italian replied with a troubled face.

“I will go watch your competition tomorrow no matter what. Get over it. And I will skate too.”

He sounded awfully similar to Sara when she had her “get your shit together and skate like a man without me” talk back in Moscow.

“I promise it will be worth it, Mickey. Please.”

He was so unsure. He knew he had no word in what Emil does. He was an adult and Michele had no power over him, yet, for some reason it seemed Emil didn’t want to do it without Michele’s blessing. So, in the end, he nodded.

The next day Emil already looked so much better, once again convincing the Crispinos that he knew his body better than anyone else. In a t-shirt saying “OSTRAVA!!!” and the legitimation hanging over his neck, he kept walking all around the stadium. Greeting people, greeting other skaters. Everyone asked how he felt and he always smiled wide and said “I feel amazing, I’m sorry for all the trouble,” or “I feel way better, please, don’t worry about me.” He cheered for everyone, sitting through both women’s free skate and the men’s short skate. It must have been a bit too much for his body since that night he fell asleep the second Mickey helped him to bed. He didn’t even have the time to get him undressed.

The Czech slept the whole next day, too. Sara was with him, being occasionally replaced by Emil’s coach. Michele had to practice and concentrate on his free skate because, as everyone expected, he got to the final within the first 6. He, however, felt that it was not only him missing Emil at the practice. The other skaters seemed quite down too. Everyone was so used to Emil’s jokes and contagious happiness they forgot how to make it on their own.

Emil made it to the free skate, though, with Sara by his side. He looked a tiny bit better again and whenever Michele looked at him, he seemed to have loads of fun. He wondered. Was he really not bothered by this? Did he not mind that he suddenly couldn’t compete at the competition he was looking forward to the most? But he couldn’t be bothered by that, he had to get ready.

That night Michele's cheeks were covered with tears of happiness. Right next to Viktor Nikiforov, it was _his_ place on the podium. Yuri Plisetsky looked rather annoyed by the fact he had to settle for bronze, but that little prodigy slipped and fell. Sure, it was Michele’s luck, but things like that happened. Nobody looked at your other performances, all that mattered was the one you gave that one particular day. And as much as Yuri was a little skating genius, this time Michele managed to beat him with his precision.

Emil’s hug was weak. Almost too weak. Michele, on the other hand, wrapped his arms around the Czech tightly, burying his face in the other’s shoulder.

“You did it! Next year you might even get Viktor, you know, he’s getting old already,” Emil joked and patted the Italian skater’s back. “Congratulations, Mickey,” he added in a quieter voice that sounded way more sincere. “It was amazing, I didn’t even know you were working on a quad toe loop.”

“He still lands only about 50% of them, my little brother was very lucky tonight!” Sara chirped and patted Michele’s head. She was happy, too. They both were bringing home medals and Emil knew their father would be really proud of them.

He was tired, though. He refused to go celebrate the victory with them, which was something they both understood. Michele helped his friend to his hotel room while Sara went to her room to get ready.

“Mickey,” Emil stopped the Italian as he was already on the leave. “Watch me tomorrow. Please.”

It was way far from Emil’s usual happy voice. It sounded as if he was… begging? That was probably it. Michele was surprised by the tone of his voice, the tone he’d never heard before. But if it meant so much to his friend, he couldn’t say no to it. This time he wouldn’t miss out a bit.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be cheering for you,” he nodded with a soft smile. “Get your ass to bed now. I’ll see you tomorrow.”


	5. On Selfishness and Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I can’t take this, Mickey.”
> 
> “Of course you can, I’m giving it to you.”

Everyone was quite surprised to see Emil on the morning practice the next day. They were perfecting the last details in the collective exhibition piece under the lead of Tomáš Verner, which was actually something Michele appreciated a lot. He’d heard loads of funny stories about him from Emil before that, so experiencing it first hand was quite exciting. Emil arrived at the end of the practice, dressed in his usual blue and white tracksuit and the skates hanging over his neck. He exchanged a few words with Tomáš before heading on the ice, takin place in one of the corners. He seemed quite okay, so Michele didn’t pay much attention to him until their work was done. He then waited for his friend behind the boards, watching his every step closely.

There was not much to look at, though. Emil made a few laps around the ice, tried a few figures, a few steps, and headed back to Michele.

“That was quick.”

“Excuse me, mister _You-need-to-stay-in-bed_ ,” Emil laughed. He finally seemed like himself again, though his movements on the ice were painfully slow. Michele honestly couldn’t imagine the young man skating a full program that evening. But, then again, Emil always knew how to surpass everyone’s expectations, especially his own. “I don’t want to overdo it. Just wanted to get familiar with the ice and the bleachers and everything…” Emil muttered as he sat down and took his skates off.

“Are you really-“

“Yes, I am really sure about this, Mickey,” Emil didn’t even let him finish the sentence. “I know it doesn’t look very good now, but I promise you’ll love it tonight,” he added, rising his head up to look in Michele’s concerned eyes. “You haven’t watched any of my routines to the end since I joined the seniors. I want you to see this one. Even if I am about to slip and fall on my ass,” he said confidently and stood up. Michele felt the need in Emil’s voice. And he knew the Czech was right. Ever since they were in the same division Michele never had time to watch any of his routines because of his own practice or focusing. It was selfish, especially considering that Emil was there every time for him, always cheering from the start till the end. Even if he himself was to go right after Michele.

“I _will_ watch you.”

 

 ***

 

When Emil stepped on the ice, the whole stadium started cheering. Of course, the commentator announced what kind of trouble Emil was in and why he decided to entertain the crowd only here, not in the competition. But if there was one thing Michele was sure about, it was the crowd being completely okay with it. In fact, he’d probably never faced such friendly and ungrudging audience. Not only the Czechs cheered for everyone, no matter the nationality, but it seemed the crowd was extremely educated about the sport, too. Now, however, everything went aside. He could feel everyone there being so happy for Emil to be there. Even the rest of the skaters came up to the boards to support the tall Czech goofball.

Emil still looked a bit tired. His hair was all ruffled, so was his beard and Michele suspected he was taking a nap shortly before his performance. He was smiling wide, though, and his baby blue eyes were sparkling with both happiness and determination. His face remained an unnatural colour, but Michele assumed it only seemed like it because of the costume that was all white, a colour that Emil almost never wore. Michele couldn’t shake off the feeling that the costume looked somewhat familiar. It was incredibly simple, too. Emil was wearing white trousers and a white t-shirt in an awful 80s cut, loosely tugged into his pants so that it looked incredibly short. Both back and front of the shirt had big black letters on it saying “ **CHOOSE LIFE** ”. Michele wasn’t really sure about the meaning of the words, but it seemed fitting and ridiculous at the same time. Emil, whose heart was giving him such trouble any other athlete would already give up, always chose life. He would never give up something he loved. He didn’t give up that day either, after all.

When the first few notes of Wham!’s _Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go_ , resonated on the ice, the whole crowd started clapping into the beat. And so did Michele and Sara, both smiling at the silliness of their friend. Emil was suddenly so full of energy it seemed as if nothing really happened to him a few days ago. His step was firm and quick, his smile wide and genuine and, being the goof he was, he even seemed to be singing along during some parts.

Michele kept clapping into the beat, enjoying the incredibly upbeat performance. It was obvious Emil’s team was really ready to strike for the highest positions that year. Every step was so well thought-through, every bit of the choreography was put together to fit both Emil’s capability and personality. He was sure Emil chose the music himself because his love for silly 80s playlists was no secret. However, when the Czech was reaching the end of his routine, Michele’s body suddenly tensed up. He stopped clapping.

It wasn’t until then that he fully realized what was going on in front of him. This wasn’t a routine the judges would look at and think “Hmm, he’s doing well considering his health.” This was a _winning_ routine. There was no single mistake in what Emil was giving the audience. From the core of his body to the fingertips, it was as if Emil was programmed to do every single movement with a mathematical precision. The only thing giving away Emil’s state was the lack of jumps in his routine. And he still managed to pull one single toe loop at the end before doing his last pirouette and striking the final pose. The pose during which he looked in Michele’s eyes in a way he’d never experienced before. Michele was sure that quick glance couldn’t last more than two seconds, but for him it felt like eternity, as if he was able to suddenly read everything Emil was unable to say for his whole life in that one quick glance. And he _knew_.

Emil fell on his knees shortly after finishing. He could hardly catch his breath and his face was dripping with sweat. Sweat probably mixed with tears. But he looked happier than ever. His eyes roved around the crowd. In fact, there was a moment of silence before everyone could fully understand what they just saw. The applause was unreal. Emil mouthed a quiet, shaky “ _Děkuju_ _,_ ” again and again, one hand rising up to wave while the other one supported the tall body, preventing it from falling on the ice. Gradually the whole audience stood up. There was not a single person on the stadium that wasn’t baffled, impressed and absolutely happy for the bearded ill idiot in the middle of the ice rink. When Michele looked around, he could even see Viktor Nikiforov wooing and whistling. Emil’s coach was soon on the ice, ready to assist his charge. It turned out to be a good idea since the Czech’s body was drained off every last bit of energy it had. The smile on his face was priceless, though.

That night Michele did one of the biggest steps on his life path. It was the time love finally won against the selfishness in him. After celebrating properly and having a few words with the possible sponsors, he left his sister at the banquet and knocked on Emil’s door, making sure the content of his pocket was still there.

“I can’t take this, Mickey.”

“Of course you can, I’m giving it to you.”

“It’s yours. You won it-“

“If you did at the competition what you did tonight, you would win, Emil. With your jumps, you would not only beat me, you would beat Viktor. You deserve this.” Michele smiled softly and finally put the silver medal over Emil’s head.

“But I _didn’t_. That’s the point of competitions, you know? You have to _compete_ to win something.” Emil immediately grasped onto the blue ribbon around his neck in attempt to take the medal off.

“You did win. For me, at least,” Michele replied calmly and placed his hands over Emil’s. “I want you to have it. At least until you win your own next year,” he added, piercing the Czech’s tired, blue eyes with his own. “Take it as a thank you.”

“For what?”

“For the routine.”

Emil finally smiled. Michele understood…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should be studying. Why am I writing this. What have I done. Send help.


	6. The Uncertainty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m thinking of India. Or maybe Tibet? I don’t know yet.”

That 2017 silver medal had a special place in their house. All the others were in their living room along with their trophies. They dedicated one whole wall to them and installed a bunch of shelves and display cases to make everyone, who entered the house, notice what an amazing family they were visiting. Needless to say, in the middle of the wall there was a cork notice board where Dani’s best pictures and praises from kindergarten were pinned. But the silver medal was hanged up in the Crispino-Nekolas’ bedroom, right above their bed. For some bizarre (or maybe not so bizarre) reason they considered it a good luck charm of their love. And it never failed them.

Emil never gave as good performance as in Ostrava again. In fact, he was forced to end his career shortly after that. His heart wasn’t giving him serious trouble anymore and his results were generally good. Good, not amazing. In the age of Yuri Plisetsky, Javier Fernández and Nathan Chen, good wasn’t enough. So, Emil decided to settle down for finishing his university studies and soon after that he started coaching. Only children at first, but he soon seemed to miss the thrill of big competition. Not because of the competition itself, but because of the cloud of creativity it was surrounded with, as he told Michele later.

And so, after trying with a few young Czech students, the bearded lover of his became the coach of the Kazakh hero himself, Otabek Altin.  In Michele’s eyes it was a good, definitely interesting cooperation. Otabek finally managed to relax a bit on the ice thanks to Emil and they definitely saw him smile way more often than before. Emil seemed cheerful again and was happy to share his knowledge that, surprisingly, was better than anyone expected. Despite them being the same age, their relationship was full of mutual respect and understanding. While coaching, Emil was invited to numerous exhibitions and events on ice and he never said no. He still loved skating so much, Michele could see it on him. Sometimes he even suspected his boyfriend was jealous of the Italian for the sheer fact he was still in the big game. Otabek left back to Almaty after only a year and Emil started wandering around, bored and unfulfilled again.

The Czech took a break from skating for good and left Italy. Yes, after the 2017 EC, Emil moved to Italy. First they lived in Michele’s small flat in the center of Florence, but the city lifestyle turned out to be too stressful for Emil, who grew up in a village. Michele was forced to abandon his comfortable lifestyle, move into a house at the periphery and deal with the fact that he’d have to commute to the ice rink for 20 minutes every morning. Of course he kept complaining about it for the first half a year, but Emil never said a bad word. He always smiled and kissed Michele’s forehead, saying something ridiculous like “I’m sorry, my sweet angel,” which made the Italian not only blush deeply, but also shut up.

Since they moved together, Michele was often worried. Not only about his boyfriend’s health, but about his boyfriend in general. As much as the Czech tried to cover it, Michele was suspecting Emil suffered from depression. He surely showed some symptoms. Not too often, but he did. After finally being woken up in the middle of the night by quiet crying, their relationship changed drastically. Until then Michele never realized how fugacious their relationship really was. How everything they built up from scratch could collapse to the ground any minute. If Emil’s heart short circuited for just a second, if the battery stopped working suddenly, if Emil did something too difficult, catching his breath could suddenly become the hardest thing in the world. He spent the night with the Czech’s shaking body in his embrace, listening to his weeping in silence. In the morning, everything seemed as if none of it ever happened. Emil was ready to move on and never be reminded of this weak moment again.

After Otabek left, though, not even Michele’s embrace could bring Emil satisfaction and so he left. Of course, they didn’t break up. They didn’t even think of having “a break”. Michele was determined to wait and Emil was determined to come back.

“Come back from where?”

“I’m thinking of India. Or maybe Tibet? I don’t know yet,” Emil replied. He seemed to be lost somewhere in his thoughts, not even looking at Michele as he browsed the Internet. Michele leaned down and looked over Emil’s shoulder.

“And what’s so interesting there?” he asked with no particular sign of interest in his voice, looking at the pictures popping up on the screen in front of Emil.

“I want to climb Mentok Kangri.”

“Climb? Is that a mountain?”

“Yeah. 6250 m, India.” Emil immediately spit out the information. _Like a robot_.

“I thought you were more into extreme fishing and stuff,” Michele smiled and rested his head on Emil’s shoulder.

“Yeah, but drowning is no fun. When you fall from a mountain it’s at least quick and painless.”

“Quit it, I won’t stand jokes like this,” Michele huffed out. The lack of emotion in Emil’s voice bothered him. Of course he was worried sick, even then, just hearing about it. But the least he could do for Emil was letting him do whatever he wanted. It couldn’t be worse than keeping him at home all unhappy. His arms wrapped around the Czech from behind and he sighed softly. “How long?” he asked. He knew this would be an expedition for at least a few weeks. And knowing Emil, who always ended up wandering off, it might take even longer.

“I don’t know, a month? Maybe two, depends on how much-“

“Lost you get. I know,” Michele finished his sentence and his arms wrapped around the other a tiny bit tighter. “Take a good crew with you. That’s all I ask.”

And so, two weeks later, Emil left. They didn’t speak much at the airport. During the years they spent together they learnt to read certain things in each other’s eyes. Emil knew Michele was terrified and probably even angry inside. Michele knew his boyfriend needed to be free to be happy. There were things they didn’t need to discuss or say out loud. Aside of all these emotions, they knew the most important thing – they loved each other and they trusted each other no matter what. With one last hug and a firm kiss, after which Michele whispered “Please, be careful,” their paths parted for long four months.

He called Michele once a day. First from his phone, then from random phones he found god-knows-where. Then he called once a week. Then Michele received a letter once in two weeks. Then it was just a postcard. Then there was silence.

And, for some bizarre reason, Michele wasn’t worried. As days passed, he was more and more convinced that the only time he’d actually get a call was if something happened to Emil. So he practiced, competed, took care of the garden, he had numerous coffee dates with Sara. He visited his parents, he visited Emil’s parents, he started running in the morning so that they could finally join Emil when he returned home. He started reading, especially Czech authors, to understand his boyfriend’s mentality. He did anything he could, praying the phone wouldn’t ring.

Sometimes people asked. Chris Giacometti, now a successful figure skating commentator and an aspiring figure skating judge, jokingly called his lost boyfriend “the late Emil Nekola”.

“You know how them Czechs are. They find a good beer and stay wherever it is,” he liked to tease Michele. The Italian didn’t mind it though. He believed the love of his life would come back and, if his prayers worked, in one piece, too.

Being the lover (or as Michele liked to call him – _an idiot_ ) Emil was, it wouldn’t be a proper arrival if it wasn’t a big surprise that would make Michele into a complete wreck. The Czech arrived just in time for the finals of the Italian Nationals and he caught his two favourite twins on their way off the ice right after the ceremony. Of course, bringing a giant bouquet of roses for Sara and a box of luxury chocolates for her brother. For Sara it was a gift for her gold medal. For Michele it was that _and_ an apology. Though, the apology was accepted better after accompanied with a long, tight hug.


	7. The Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I hate you,” Michele muttered, his head resting on top of Emil’s chest.  
> “When you married me, you agreed to put up with my flaws.”

“Turn it off…”

“No, I like it!”

“Turn it off, I want to sleep, Emil…”

“But it’s such a nice song!”

“I swear…”

_“Turned a bright spark into a flame~“_

„Emil. No.“

_„My beats per minute never been the same~“_

„Stop singing! I swear to the figure skating gods I will slap your ass!“

 _“Come on, baby, let's not fight~ We'll go dancing, everything will be all right!_ “

Before he could raise any objection, he was attacked by the bearded monster. They spent the past three days in bed, eating only takeaway food and enjoying each other’s presence. Michel enjoyed the well deserved rest after the nationals (he was already 26 after all, his body didn’t regenerate as fast as it used to) and Emil enjoyed being in a bed without bedbugs or mice. He enjoyed _his_ bed.

It was a bit sad, but they both looked so much happier after this long sort-of-break they had. Emil could finally think about something else than figure skating, while Michele could focus on his career more thoroughly than ever. They returned into the relationship happy, fresh and ready. Ready for what? Pretty much anything.

“I hate you,” Michele muttered, his head resting on top of Emil’s chest.

“When you married me, you agreed to put up with my flaws.”

“We’re not married, you goofball,” Michele laughed. This was what he missed so much. The random, silly things only Emil could say.

“Well, we _could_ , you know?”

“Except we _couldn’t_ , you know? There’s no way they’d let us in a church here,” Michele muttered and nuzzled his face into the t-shirt Emil was wearing. Even though they did their laundry together, Emil’s clothes always smelled different. And he missed it for the past 4 months.

“I’m sure we would work something out,” Emil shrugged. “Miss Giordano already offered us help like a thousand times.” Miss Giordano was an older lady working at the city hall and, conveniently, also a close friend of Michele’s mother. Michele was sure if they really wanted to, she would find a way for them. After all, Michele was like a grandson for her. If they _really_ wanted to…

“Are you serious?” Michele asked, his head raising up to meet the other’s eyes. Emil looked as calm as always, it was hard to read from his face if this was just another silly idea, or a real proposal.

“Sure. It’s been four years already. I mean, I personally don’t really care, you know I don’t need the paper,” he added in a carefree tone. They talked about this before once, maybe twice. And Emil never really understood the meaning of marriage. _“Why do they get married when, in the end, the guy just complains about his wife ruining his life and the woman spills dirt on her husband behind his back everywhere she goes?”_ he used to say. “But you’re the one into these traditional things, right? So I was thinking… Maybe it’s about time?”

“I’ll think about it,” Michele said quietly. But he was sure Emil could see the spark of joy in his sleepy eyes. The Italian was happy, probably happier than ever before. This was a sign to him. A sign that the man he waited for so long to get back was worth it. Emil would give up his personal freedom for him and that was more than he could ever ask.

And so he thought about it. They both did. Every day for the next two weeks they sat at the kitchen table opposite to each other, documents, papers, books and their laptops between them. And they searched, they looked, they shared ideas. They even visited Miss Giordano a few times, asking for advice.

“If it’s not what you want to do, Mickey, we don’t have to. I’m not pushing you into anything, I just wanted to do something nice for you,” Emil repeated again, his hand gently stroking the other’s on top of the table.

“I know, it’s just… I really _want_ to. Just not like this,” Michele couldn’t even look him in the eye. No matter how much they searched, no matter how much they asked, they couldn’t find the right solution. Neither of their countries allowed what they wished for in their relationship and in their life. Just registering wasn’t enough for Michele and, even though Emil never planned to have children, once they realized making their family grow would no longer be an option for them, Michele definitely crossed the idea off his list of life goals.

And so they went to the city hall once more to meet Miss Giordano. This time the favour they asked was different, though.

“Are you sure?”

“Yep, absolutely sure.”

“We can still change it, you know.”

“Nope, I think it looks the best like this.”

“You really need to stop putting others in the first place, you know.”

“Michele, sign the paper now or I’ll make up my mind and dump you.”

“Fine, fine…”

A month later, when they were leaving the city hall, Michele was smiling brighter than when he won his first gold medal. He couldn’t stop looking at it, the new ID in his hands. Even the picture was somewhat okay, as Emil pointed out. But the most important thing was…

“So? How does it feel to be the first Crispino-Nekola of this family?” Emil asked.

“Absolutely amazing. Sara’s gonna freak out,” Michele admitted jokingly. He truly was the first, Emil had to ask for a name change back in his hometown and, though his application was accepted, he still had to wait a few more weeks to have his new ID sent to Italy.

“She’ll want to celebrate this, that’s for sure. And I think we should. Take it as a… uh… An engagement party or something.” Emil squeezed Michele’s hand as they walked towards their house.

“An engagement party? What are you plotting there, young man?”

“Hey, don’t think this is your escape from our marriage, grandpa. Once the circumstances and conditions are better, I won’t let you say no anymore.”


	8. All the good and all the bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Dani, no!”  
> It was too late. The boy was already up his ankles in a muddy puddle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is way longer than the others, but I am convinced splitting this part wouldn't do any good. So, enjoy your Sunday big chunk of your favourite couple and their lovely son! :)

“Dani, no!”

It was too late. The boy was already up his ankles in a muddy puddle.

“What did I just say?!” he did all he could not to raise his voice too much. They never yelled at Dani. Not that it was ever needed, the boy was the nicest, kindest child they could wish for. Unfortunately, with his adventurous nature he sometimes ended up in a situation like this. “You’re not wearing the high shoes, forgot?” he quickly picked the boy up and stood him back on the pavement. Dani had on winter shoes, but they weren’t the super warm, waterproof ones he wore when they were about to play in the snow. The boy’s trousers were soaking wet up his calves from the enthusiastic jump he made into the puddle of dirty water and half-melted snow. Dani was a smart boy, though. Michele hadn’t even begun with the typical parent-to-child lecture about misbehaving and he already saw in Dani’s eyes the boy knew the consequences oh too well. His feet must have been freezing already.

“See? That’s what you get for not listening. Now your feet will turn into icicles and fall off,” Michele joked with a teasing smile.

“You’re making things up, that’s not true,” Dani puffed up his cheeks and wiggled on the spot a bit to warm his feet up. Michele could hear the water squishing inside his shoes. With a sigh he picked the boy up, reconciled with the fact that his coat would need a thorough cleaning after this. Again. Oh, the joys of being a father. At least Dani gave him the picture before doing the dive of his life. It would be a shame if such a pretty picture came to a waste like this.

 ***

That year was full of surprises for the Crispino family. First it was Emil and Michele making things unofficially official and in just three months Sara announced a temporary break in her career. Michele was furious. He spent the whole day trying to call his twin sister. How could she even dare to think about this without consulting it with him? What was she going to do? But she didn’t pick up. Emil was calm, only pointing out that this fit of anger reminded him of the Mickey he knew four or five years before. After being unsuccessful with Sara, he tried to call Mila, but the result was the same. It was as if these two just disappeared.

What a surprise it was, when they appeared at their door just two days later. It was one of the nicest days the four of them spent together. They had a lot to celebrate, after all. Not only the twins hadn’t seen each other for quite long, but Michele and Emil were about to get the greatest news of the year. They were going to be uncles.

Sara was blessed with a baby boy and a girl. It was probably then that Michele started thinking about expanding his little family, too. And seeing how great Emil was with little children (he was the only person around willing to carry the newborns without the fear of dropping them, not even Mila was this brave), his decision was growing stronger and stronger. And so, after a long time of crying with their heads buried in paperwork, they finally brought in Dani. Technically, he was only Michele’s child, but that didn’t change anything on the fact that Emil would die for him just like Mickey.

At that time the Italian was still a competitive skater and, to everyone’s surprise, so was the Czech. With all the changes in his life Emil seemed pumped up to make his comeback. He enjoyed coaching and still led the classes for children in their town from time to time, but his eyes only truly sparkled when he was back on ice. It was hectic at first, though, to manage everything with a child. None of them was willing to take a break from skating and, although they had the funds, a nanny wasn’t an option. They didn’t promise Dani a new home to leave him there while they pursue their dreams.

And so the little bundle of happiness started traveling with them. Dani was at every competition, he was at every kiss and cry his parents sat through. Dani laughed with Emil every time the points exceeded his expectations and he curled up on Michele’s lap every time the Italian was not happy with his current ranking. He was the favourite of all the other skaters, too. Especially Viktor and Yuuri seemed to be particularly fond of Dani and kept bringing him presents almost every time the two couples attended the same competition. Michele was so happy. His family was blooming, Emil seemed absolutely okay, Dani was growing strong and happy and, thanks to some God’s good will, his skating was better than ever.

When Dani turned three, they started noticing some things. He looked okay, there was just something off and they couldn’t place a hand on what it was. Dani was a very small child. He didn’t grow much and, as he lived through almost the whole past year with sniffles, they realized his immunity might not be the best. When Dani wasn’t having a cold, he suffered sudden strikes of fever. When those passed, he caught a nasty cough. When it wasn’t a cough, they discovered he was allergic to nuts. And then cheese. And then artificial colouring. There was even a time they were worried their son might be allergic to water, but, thankfully, that turned out to be a false alarm. Dani was strong. All the visits to the hospital were taken with a wide smile by this boy. He didn’t cry. Not even once. Unlike Michele.

The nights were the worst. When they sat at Dani’s bed, constantly changing the damp, cold cloth on his forehead to knock the fever down for at least a number or two, Michele often fell absolutely hopeless, more so when it happened during one of their skating trips. But Dani didn’t want to stay at home, even if Emil suggested he would stay with him and they would watch daddy Michele on TV. Dani just needed to be there for his parents, end of discussion. It was the only thing he ever threw a tantrum about. So, there they were. In a four-star hotel room, with their pale, coughing three-and-a-half-year-old in the middle of the bed that seemed way too big for such a tiny little body.

“Go to sleep, Mickey.”

“Shut up.”

“You have a competition tomorrow, you need to sleep.”

“I said, shut up,” he muttered, not paying attention to Emil’s words. He heard the steps getting close behind him and felt the Czech’s hand on his shoulder.

“Mickey, I will take care of him. I promise, okay? I’ll sleep here with Dani, you go to our bed. Please. You really need to sleep some,” Emil spoke in a quiet, soft voice. How could he always stay so calm? Michele didn’t understand it. But maybe it was because Emil himself got from way worse health problems. He knew Dani would be okay. And if Emil said so, Michele always believed him. But there was always a little bit of doubt in the back of his head.

“You are competing tomorrow too, idiot,” he sighed and reached up, placing his hand on top of Emil’s.

“I’m not going for the win, though. Unlike you,” Emil replied, the smile spreading on his lips some more. He leaned down and kissed the Italian’s cheek. “Go, I want to see you kicking Yuri’s ass tomorrow. And me and Dani will cheer for you.”

He cried through the night, not even trying to keep it quiet anymore. And so, after a few hours of listening to this heartbreaking serenade mixed with his son's coughing, Emil picked up Dani and moved with him to the king sized bed, hugging both of his miserable boys tightly.

As always, Dani was okay in the morning. He looked as if nothing happened, the smile on his face as wide as ever. Michele woke up to both his boyfriend and their son poking his nose and cheeks.

“Dad, wake up! We’re going to have breakfast!” he heard Dani’s high voice and garbled Italian. Even before opening his eyes Michele was smiling. He grabbed the boy, pressing him against his chest in a tight hug.

“How is my little angel? Are you feeling better?” he asked.

“Mhm, I’m hungry,” Dani replied. That was a good sign and it calmed Michele down reasonably. Once Dani was hungry, the universe was balanced and everything was okay. Emil looked tired, but it was expected after such hard night. In fact, he was sure he himself didn’t look any better. On top of all the bad stuff he was given, Emil was blessed with one important gift from the figure skating gods. He never got sick. Never in his life Michele saw Emil coughing or blowing his nose (except when they were watching kids movies, Emil always cried through those). Not even once for those years Emil suffered from a common cold, which made Michele calmer whenever he left Emil with their sick son. He knew they both would be okay, unlike him, wo always managed to somehow catch the sniffles from Dani. He gave the boy a teasing tickle before sitting up at the sound of Dani’s happy laugh.

“Breakfast it is then. But let’s drop you in a bath first, you stinky, smelly child,” he laughed and watched Emil picking their son up as Dani tried to wiggle out of the tight grip with loud bursts of laughter.

He often wondered what he did to deserve such a beautiful, pure child in his life. No matter all the trouble they had to go through to get him and to take the best care of him, he was the happiest father in the world and whenever he saw Emil (who definitely was the “fun dad”) and Dani laugh together, he convinced himself once more what a great step this was for all three of them.

Dani didn’t seem so fresh that day, though. Despite the fever being gone, his body was tired from the energy given to the all-night-long fight and once lunch passed, they had to keep carrying him everywhere since he was just too tired to walk around the giant stadium. To be exact – Emil had to carry him. He gave up half of his practice to give Michele time to get through his routines while he devotedly worked on some colouring books with Dani at the boards. Luckily Viktor came by to check on Yuuri, so the little Italian boy spent the rest of the practice babbling on Viktor’s lap in Italian-English gibberish, showing him all the coloured pictures and staring at photos of Viktor and Yuuri’s new poodle puppy on the screen of his phone.

Despite all the trouble and an almost sleepless night, Michele managed to get on the podium that evening. He was in his top condition that season and while standing next to his rivals, listening to the winner’s national anthem, since the medal on his own chest was only silver, he closed his eyes and silently thanked his coach for being so hard on him that year. Without all the drill and hard practice he wouldn’t be able to pull such a great performance that night. Besides, Emil ended up fourth, which was his seasonal maximum. It finally seemed his boyfriend was getting back on his track and with all the work put into his routines and practice he could start attacking the top positions again in just a few months.

He picked Dani up right at the boards. The boy was exceptionally snuggly that night, which meant he was tired. Why wouldn’t he, they had a long day behind them and it was already 9.30pm when the ceremony finally ended. He didn’t even attempt to get Dani off him when he was approached by a bunch of reporters. Everyone was already used to having Dani in the pictures of his parents and Dani didn’t mind being the center of attention, either, after the year and a half he learned to ignore it fairly well.

In the middle of Michele answering one particularly interesting questions, he felt the tiny body in his arms tense. He was alarmed, that was not normal, the grip of tiny arms around his neck was suddenly so tight Michele thought he’d suffocate and he would swear he heard a quiet shriek escaping the little boy’s throat. With a quiet “Excuse me for a second,” he made a few steps aside from the reporters and tried to pull the boy away from him just a bit to check on him.

“Dani, what’s wrong? Are you feeling sick?” he finally managed to untangle the arms from around his neck and squatted down, sitting the boy on his knee. His eyes widen in shock. Dani looked terrified. His brown eyes, now wide in horror, were looking somewhere over Michele’s shoulder and his face was quickly losing colour.

“Dani!” Michele shook him slightly. It was as if time stopped for a good minute. Michele didn’t hear anything and he didn’t see anything but his terrified, still awfully stiff son. He quickly took the boy’s head in his hands, trying to make Dani look in his eyes. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong? Talk to me, please. Are you in pain? Does your head hurt?” he did all he could to remain calm and to prevent his voice from shaking. Dani kept looking over Michele’s shoulder.

“D-Daddy is sick,” he finally stuttered, his voice almost inaudible.

Michele turned around quickly. It wasn’t until then that he realized what a mess was around them. A lot of people yelling, all the skaters trying to get the reporters out of the place, covering the lenses of their cameras. And in the middle of all the chaos, there was Emil, laying on the floor. Lifeless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me just address one thing, since I think it's needed. 
> 
> I am sorry. :')


	9. The Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was the moment Michele lost his ability to smile. The worst few months of his life. He had no one to complain to, in fact, he never even tried, but everyone could see it in his eyes, especially Dani.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back, using this fic as a procrastination from doing the important Life stuff™. Leave comments down below, I appreciate every feedback! :)

It was the moment Michele lost his ability to smile. The worst few months of his life. He had no one to complain to, in fact, he never even tried, but everyone could see it in his eyes, especially Dani. He refused to stay with auntie Sara because his dad needed to cheer up. He refused to spend a night over at granny’s because daddy would do something bad without him around.

By something bad he meant Mickey would lock himself in the bedroom and drink. He never overdid it, he never got drunk to the point he wouldn’t be able to take care of his only child. But however small Dani was, he felt it wasn’t right. Michele might grab the wine only at night, thinking Dani was asleep, but the boy was always awaken by his father’s quiet crying. And he was so afraid that if he left, daddy would do it. Daddy would drink one bottle more and lose himself in the self-pity and sorrow. And so he refused to let go most of the time. He walked around the house a few steps behind Michele like a little lost puppy, his socks sliding on the wooden floor as he watched his every step, his every movement. When Michele sat down, so did Dani. When Michele was cooking lunch, so was Dani. When Michele took a nap, Dani was right next to him, curled up in his dad’s arms. And as much as this extremely Emil-like behavior bothered Michele, he was glad Dani did it. Because he was weak. And he would give in to the sadness without his little angel.

It was hard to get to the hospital for the first few days. Both mentally and physically. He’d never spent much time in Emil’s country, even Dani spoke and understood Czech better than him and all he’d ever visited in Prague was the astronomical clock and a few pubs. It was then when he fully realized how much his boyfriend had to give up to stay with him in Italy. Emil learned the language (though he still sounded funny, as Dani liked to point out), learned the manners, learned the laws, the names of the streets and cities and people. But most importantly, he learned how to not miss his home. And there _he_ was - a lost Italian man who had never shown any effort to ask his almost-husband about the place he was born.

He could still thank god it all happened in the Czech Republic, though. He wasn’t alone. Emil’s parents were right there, ready to help as much as they could. Michele had met them only two or three times before, but they were always so nice to him and to Dani. Emil’s mom didn’t say much, her English was very broken and she knew no Italian, but when she spoke, her words were always kind and warm. Emil’s father, on the other hand, was a man who travelled around the world three times already and knew English really well. His Czech accent was even heavier than Emil's (it was only then that Michele realized how different it is from the Russian accent he could hear from Viktor or Yuri – he always thought Russian and Czech were pretty much the same), but it didn’t matter. Mr. Nekola, just like his wife and son, was definitely more of a man of action than a man of word.

Before Michele and the Nekolas even managed to get to the hospital in Olomouc, they already got a call that Emil was being transported to Prague. And so they made their way there too. They spent the first night in a hotel, Emil’s parents in one bed, Michele with Dani in another. None of them slept. The next day Mr. Nekola took Michele and Dani into a small flat near the hospital. He said it belonged to one of his coworkers who was using it only during summer. They could stay for as long as needed, he and his wife would stay at their friends as there wasn’t enough room for everyone to stay. Sara arrived the next day, stating Mila can handle the children for a few days (“but if the house burns down, it’s on Emil’s head”) and so Dani had at least some distraction. She brought him a brand new notebook and new markers and crayons and drew with him every day to give the little mind at least a bit of rest from all the stress while Michele spent his time waiting at the phone, expecting any kind of news. Of course, the two skaters weren’t stupid. Shortly after their relationship got serious, they decided that it would be best if they held each other’s durable power of attorney along with their parents. They said it was a necessity because they were athletes and could get injured any time… But, in fact, everyone knew it was mainly because of Emil’s condition. There was no way Michele would let the love of his life alone in the hospital.

And yet, there he was, sitting at the kitchen table, his head in his hands, unable to see his man. Four days passed by when Emil’s family finally could visit him. Well, they could _see_ him at least. Michele was terrified of the moment. He couldn’t leave Dani at home, the boy would hate him forever. But he didn’t want this little bundle of happiness to see his father in whatever state he was. It turned out he underestimated the child once again, though. Dani, held up by his dad, pressed his little hands and nose against the glass window separating them from Emil.

“Why are there all the tubes, dad?” he asked, unable to get his eyes off all the machines and flashing displays around Emil. Michele squeezed him. The voice got stuck inside his throat, he just couldn’t say it. He couldn’t say anything. Emil looked absolutely terrible. Pale, skinny, he looked twice as smaller than he did when he gave the phenomenal free skate performance just a few days ago.

“That’s so that daddy can breathe, sweetie,” Sara placed her hand on Michele’s shoulder with a soft smile. They all looked miserable, but Michele couldn’t not notice that they all were able to keep on at least a little pitiful smile. He couldn’t.

“Wow. That’s so cool,” Dani whispered and continued searching the room with his eyes. “And why’s _that_ thing flashing, auntie? Is that showing what daddy’s heart is doing?”

“That’s right,” Sara gently rubbed Dani’s back. “It shows that daddy’s heart is working. That’s good.”

“Cool…” Dani muttered for himself again before turning back to Michele. “Isn’t it awesome, dad?” he smiled. “Daddy will be okay when it’s robots taking care of him. Daddy likes robots. So they’ll like him back.”

 

The whole family kept visiting him every day, even if it was only for a few minutes and through the glass. Sara left back to Italy once Michele and Dani settled in the new temporary home, needless to say she made sure to take all the bottles Michele managed to buy with her. It took whole two weeks for Emil to finally get better so that he could be moved to a regular coronary care unit. Before their first visit there Dani got a thorough lecture about being quiet and not touching anything. Though, Michele was sure Dani would never misbehave in a hospital - after all, he knew the place all too well on his own already. Michele offered to wait and let Emil’s parents see him first, but they denied the offer saying they had already planned a day with their friends, so Michele and Dani should go on their own. It was probably just an excuse to get their son’s family back together, but Michele didn’t think about it much. He thanked them, that was all he could give.

Michele gently knocked on the open door and walked in, his free hand under Dani’s butt as he had to carry the little boy up the steep stairs leading to the ward. Emil had still way too many tubes and wires and god-knows-what-else around him, but at least his eyes were open and he was breathing on his own. Other than Emil’s bed, the room was empty. Thank god.

“Well, you look terrible,” Emil gave a teasing grin as the couple came to his bed.

“I hate you,” Michele muttered and sat on the chair already prepared next to Emil’s bed. The Czech was half-sitting on the bed, his hair ruffled, his beard definitely too long and his eyes so tired Michele felt like crying again. The smile he saw made up for all of it, though. Emil was as optimistic as ever, throwing jokes all around just to convince Michele he felt fine. It wasn’t true. He felt terrible. But why would his boyfriend, and mainly his son, need to know that.


	10. The Bottles and the Smiles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’d been a month already and nothing changed. In fact, everything changed, but nothing changed to good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is shorter and mostly descriptive. But, despite the lack of story, I still think it's one of the most important ones. Hope you can enjoy it without too many tears and, as always, comment down below, I'm happy for any feedback :)

Dani was unhappy. It’d been a month already and nothing changed. In fact, everything changed, but nothing changed to good. For the past 30 days he’d been watching his Czech dad slowly fading into thin air. For the past 30 days he’d been watching the anger growing in his Italian dad. He’d been observing the exhaustion replacing the happiness in his grandparents’ eyes. He’d been hearing over and over again that “Daddy will be okay,” accompanied by Michele’s unconvincing smile, knowing it was a lie because every day when his dads were talking, Michele sitting on the side of Emil’s bed holding his hand or brushing his overgrown hair out of his eyes, Dani was sitting next to them. And as his legs were slightly swinging in the air, hanging down from the bed, he listened carefully to the sharp, loud beeps that came out of one of the machines and that his parents didn’t seem to hear. Maybe they got used to the sound. Or maybe they were ignoring it because they noticed the same thing he did. It was getting slower and slower every day. _That shows that daddy’s heart is working. That’s good,_ he remembered his auntie’s words. But what would happen if the beeps slowed down even more? Or, oh no, if they stopped? Dani spent every day staring at the machines surrounding his ill dad, begging them in his mind to do something. To do something more. _Please, help daddy. He is so very nice! And he likes you so much, he always says you are here to help people with things they can’t do on their own. Please, help my daddy, I don’t think he can keep beeping for much longer…_ Similarly, he woke up every morning silently begging the owner of the shop on the corner of the street to not go to work that day. To take a vacation, a long one, to take his family and go see the sea or go skiing to the mountains like daddy used to when he was younger. _Just go away and lock the door and don’t let daddy buy the bad stuff again. It makes him sad. More sad than usual. Just go away and don’t let him buy it, tell him you don’t have any more bottles, just don’t let him buy it every day…_ Dani was unhappy. And Dani was lonely.

There were a lot of things they didn’t discuss in front of Dani. Sometimes grandma or grandpa took the little boy to the vending machine in the first floor so that he and Emil could talk about his condition a bit more. And they had a lot to talk about indeed. Emil was waiting for a new heart and Michele didn’t know what stressed him out more. Was it the fact that someone had to die to save Emil’s life? Was it the fact that they still couldn’t find a donor? Or was it the fact that when the time comes and they actually find a donor, Emil would have to go through the scariest surgery he could think of? Emil was strong, though, not even once he showed any sign of fear. Every day he smiled, told his boyfriend the stupidest jokes and showed him the newest, worst memes possible. Even in his state he kept messaging Michele every night, sending him pictures of silly looking puppies and wishing him and Dani good night. But no matter how much he tried, how much he grasped onto the last strands of life there were, the grip when he held Michele’s hand was weaker and weaker and the way he hugged Dani showed his body, unlike his mind, was getting too tired.

And so he drank. Wine, at first, and not cheap one. Even to get drunk he wanted to keep his class. Well, _at first_. Soon even a bottle the cheapest beer was okay. It went on for weeks and weeks, every night with a new bottle and every morning with a new headache. But he still got up every morning, still kicked his ass out of the bed every day at 7am to make proper breakfast for his son and to watch cartoons only the child understood anyways. Did he feel guilty? No. _Maybe._ Wasn’t this what the world was leading him to? He wasn’t hurting anyone. He wasn’t doing anything wrong. He was just trying to stay sane for as long as possible, to kill the stress and anger that was growing up in him in hopes it would drown in the alcohol. _He wasn’t hurting anyone_.

Until the day Dani finally spoke up during their morning shopping. The boy looked especially distressed, even though the ride in a shopping cart while getting their daily groceries in the same order as usual calmed him down on other days. Michele looked terrible, too. Not only because the previous night was the first one he drank more than ever, but because of the reason he had for it. After 10pm he got a message from Emil. It was short, but self-explanatory.

“They found a heart.”

That morning Dani reached out and grabbed onto Michele’s wrist when he was placing another beer bottle into the cart. He didn’t speak, but his round, brown eyes were piercing Michele’s.

“What is it, sunshine?” Michele asked, his voice calm, but definitely surprised. He had no idea what’d gotten into the boy. Did he mess up the order? At that point he was putting things into the cart automatically, without thinking. It was possible he forgot about something.

“Don’t buy it today, daddy,” Dani asked. His eyes might have been full of determination and his eyebrows might have been furrowed, but the voice was saying something entirely different. _I am scared._

“You stink,” Dani muttered, his tiny hand not letting go of Michele’s. “Daddy knows. He doesn’t like it.”

“Dani… How did you-“

“He wrinkles his nose every time you get too close,” the child explained in his mangled Italian. He was taking a deep breath, opening his mouth already to say even more, but Michele stopped him. He leaned down to kiss Dani’s forehead and put the bottle back onto the shelf.

“Alright. I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m sorry,” he said quietly, putting all the effort into not getting emotional. He never meant to hurt anyone with this problem of his, especially not Dani. He’d never thought this little boy would figure it out, but, well, he was very curious after all. And he had proven himself to be the wisest member of their family already. Michele quickly pushed the cart away from the isle with beverages and instead, after a little bit of aimless wandering, he stopped in front of a stand with chocolates and wafers.

“Sweetie, you had a lecture from daddy about Czech sweets, right?” he smiled softly and glanced over the extensive shelf. “We need to get him something extra good today.”


	11. The Big Question

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was a friendly talk. On one hand Michele was glad Emil had a friend, a Czech friend, to come over. On the other hand, something was telling him a the talk wasn’t the reason this man was there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're slooowly drifting far, far away from canon. Anyway, have fun, enjoy, don't forget to coment down below :)

They were back at the start. The glass between them, the beeping of machines they’d never seen before. But this time it took only a couple of days for Emil to get back to his normal room. His skin was slowly but steadily gaining its colour back and his smiles were more genuine then before. Soon he seemed as if nothing ever happened, well, if you forgot about the incredible weight loss and a giant scar going vertically across his chest. Dani kept staring at it. Practically all the time. Whenever they came for a visit, the child’s eyes were glued to the thick line on his father’s chest. He was looking at it with a sacred awe in his eyes and Michele was sure the kid wanted nothing else but to touch it. He was such a curious boy…

“So daddy’s heart isn’t there anymore?”

“Nope.”

“They took it out?”

“Mhm.”

“And it’s someone else’s heart there now?”

“That’s right, sweetie.”

“But it’s still going to be our daddy, right?” Dani kept asking, sitting on the kitchen counter while Michele was cooking dinner.

“What do you mean?” the Italian looked up from chopping the vegetables, a curious spark in his eyes. Dani’s thinking could be as surprising as one of an adult sometimes.

“Daddy always said that we’re in his heart. Will he still love you when the heart isn’t there?”

Michele knew what he was trying to ask. Will he still love _us_? But Dani, despite being so young, always put everyone before himself. Just like Emil. He put down the knife and picked Dani up instead.

“You know, sweetie, that’s just a phrase people use. There are no little people in anyone’s heart, you know that, right?” he explained calmly. “Daddy will still love us both, just as much as he did before. In fact, his heart will be stronger now, so I think he’ll love us even more,” he said with a wide smile. That was something Dani hadn’t seen for a long time, so it made him calmer. He nodded and rested his head on Michele’s shoulder.

“I wish daddy was okay…”

That was the first time ever Dani said something like that. He never complained about anything, Michele was always surprised how calmly this child could take the burdens life put on his shoulders. He never for once wished for anything to change. Until now.

“I wish he could skate like before and smile and be happy,” Dani muttered and rubbed his eyes. He wasn’t crying, he was just tired. Way too tired after all that happened those past few weeks. “I want to go home.”

It hurt Michele. It hurt him that he couldn’t give Dani what he wanted, they couldn’t go home, not just yet. Emil needed him… Emil needed _them_ there. And he was sure Dani knew that, too.

“You miss the kindergarten?” he smiled softly, rubbing Dani’s back.

“Mhm. I miss Fia,” Dani replied. Fia was his best friend from the class, she was a bit older, but she always enjoyed playing with Dani. Fia’s family lived just a few minutes away from them, so Dani often went visited her at home, too. They had a little cocker spaniel called Zita that Dani loved to play with, too. No wonder he missed her.

“I’m sure Fia misses you too, honey,” he sighed and squeezed Dani a bit. “How about we have dinner and then write her a letter together? You can draw her something nice and tomorrow we’ll make a trip to the post office and send it to her.”

“Can we write one for Zita, too?”

“Sure thing, but now we have to finish cooking our meal. Dad is hungry,” Michele smiled and sat Dani back on the kitchen counter.

***

Emil looked so much better that day. Of course, it was because of the meds and a new, strong heart that was rushing blood through his body better than ever, but he kept saying it was only thanks to all the kisses he got from Michele and Dani that he was able to recover so quickly. The kisses and the wafers his son kept smuggling in for him. He hadn’t have a Fidorka in years, mostly because they were nowhere to be found in Italy, so he enjoyed this spoiling very much.

He was sure his skating career was over. It would take at least a year to get back to a somewhat good shape, even longer if he wanted to get back to the World Championship or the GP series and actually win. It wasn’t likely. The sport went forward so quickly, just during the two months he was out 3 new records were set and he wasn’t sure he would ever get good enough to compete with all the new, young, energetic competitors. But it didn’t stop him from smiling wide and being happy to be alive. He had a beautiful man by his side, his son in his arms and… a man standing at the door?

Michele noticed the young man a few times before. He was tall, nicely dressed, had a fashionable haircut and his eyes, though being a beautiful shade of green, always looked nervous. He thought he might have someone close to him on the same ward, that’s why they kept seeing him everywhere, but now he was knocking on their door and looking inside.

“ _Promiňte, já… Neruším?_ ” Michele had no idea what he was saying. Was he apologizing for something? He was sure he’d heard the word _promiň_ a few times from Emil, but what did it mean? Czech was such weird language! And he was so stupid to never learn it properly.

“ _Ne, co potřebujete?_ ”

“What does he want, Emil?” Michele didn’t even let the man answer and looked at his boyfriend with his eyebrows raised.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I… thought you were all Czech. Um… You must be Mr. Crispino then, right?” the man asked, his nervous eyes shifting from Emil to Michele. Well, at least he finally smiled. Michele was a bit hesitant when the man offered him a hand, but seeing Emil smiling, he accepted and gave him a firm handshake along with a nod. “My name is Lukáš Mouček.”

“Nice to meet you. Dani, say hi,” he gently rubbed Dani’s back, but the boy was already taking a deep breath in to say a loud and precise “Nice to meet you, Mr. Mouček.” He sat the boy on his lap, still unsure about what was going on there. All he noticed was Emil frowning slightly.

“I’m sorry, your name sounds familiar…”

“Yes, um… We used to play hockey together, remember? When we were little.”

Emil’s eyes opened wide and he bounced on the bed a bit.

“Oh my god! Yes! Lukáš!” his arm immediately stretched out towards the man, giving him a firm handshake, too. “Lukáš and I used to play hockey for years, all the way until I started figure skating, that was when we were…”

“Twelve? Thirteen?”

“Yeah, I think so. Dear lord, I wouldn’t even recognize you, look at how tall you are!”

It was a friendly talk. On one hand Michele was glad Emil had a friend, a _Czech_ friend, to come over. He looked so happy and excited… On the other hand, something was telling him a talk wasn’t the reason this man was there. He still looked so nervous, not really anywhere near the enthusiasm Emil was showing. Michele smiled politely, anyway, and listened while Dani played with the sleeve of his sweater.

“Me, Lukáš and his brother used to play in one team, it was awesome. I mean, I was still terrible, but Luky and Radek never gave up on me,” Emil laughed. “How is he, by the way?”

“Well, about that…” the nervousness in Lukáš’s eyes was suddenly replaced by sheer sadness, though his lips stretched into a somewhat shaky smile. It seemed that smiling was some kind of a weirdly twisted coping mechanism of all Czechs. Couldn’t these people just be sad like everyone else? “I thought… _You_ might be the one telling _me_.”

“I don’t know what you're t-“Emil stopped mid-sentence. His eyes widened and his hand slowly moved up to his chest. “No…”

Michele glanced over both of the men. Without thinking much, he quickly stood up, picking Dani up in his arms and grabbing his wallet.

“We will let you two talk,” he said quietly.

“Mickey, you don’t have to-“

“Yes I do, Emil.” He stopped him before the Czech could even start protesting. He placed a hand on the standing man’s shoulder. There wasn’t much he could say to him. Should he thank him? Should he offer his condolences? He couldn’t even imagine how terrible he must’ve felt. He offered a smile. Just a small one, with a generous dose of sympathy in it. “I am sorry. Please, take your time here, I’m sure you have a lot to talk about. Just… try not to upset him too much,” he looked back at Emil and gave him a small nod.

“We’ll bring you some chocolates. Call me if you need anything.” He grabbed his and Dani’s jackets and walked towards the door.

“Bye, dad! Bye Mr. Mouček! Be nice here!” Dani waved over Michele’s shoulder. Emil, of course, waved back, smiling gently.

“See you later, sweetie, take care of dad for me!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
> Promiňte, neruším? - Excuse me, do you have time?/I hope I'm not bothering you.  
> Co potřebujete? - What do you need?/How can I help you?  
> Also, google Fidorka B)


	12. The Coach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emil looked so good. Not only health-wise, but he really seemed more handsome than ever. His hair was overgrown and Michele suspected he was trying to grow it long on purpose. The beard was finally trimmed again, Emil was slowly gaining his weight back and his eyes were no longer tired and sunken in. He just looked gorgeous and Michele didn’t skip one time to tell him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bringing you one long one, but I don't think you mind that :) We're slowly but steadily moving towards the end, so enjoy it while you can! And, as always, don't forget to throw some feedback on me. Thank you for reading!

It was 6pm and Emil still hadn’t messaged him. He was sure the man, Lukáš, had a lot to tell him, but he promised Dani to get a good night kiss from Emil, so there was nothing he could do, they had to go back to the hospital, even if it meant interrupting the two.

“Don’t wiggle too much, Dani, we’re almost there,” he muttered and held the boy a bit tighter. The last thing he’d want was dropping him on the stairs. Dani was holding a packet of Hořické trubičky in each hand, staring at them with such focus Michele had to laugh when he noticed. But, however funny it might seem, Dani was just looking at the signs on them, trying to figure out how letters work. Yes, he was too young for that, that’s why his dads didn’t really encourage him in it, but when he asked, they answered. There was no reason for denying him that. When they finally arrived to the door, Mickey could still hear the two voices. He didn’t understand them, though. It’d been a while he could hear Emil speak Czech. Well, fluently like this, anyway. It wasn’t the same as if he talked in Czech to Dani. For some reason, his voice always went lower when he spoke his mother tongue. It was beautiful and melodic, he really liked listening to it.

“Daddy, let’s go inside,” Dani pulled him from his thoughts, and so Michele knocked on the opened door gently before walking in. He put Dani on his own feet and started taking his own jacket off as the boy immediately ran to the bed with a happy, loud “Daaaaaaad!”. Dani was, as always, the one to bring everyone’s mood up.

“Here,” he handed the sweet treat to his dad. Well, one packet. The second one went right to the new companion they met just a few hours ago.

“Oh, thank you, but I think your dad would be happy to have both,” Lukáš refused with a smile. Little he knew that refusing Dani’s kindness was not possible in this universe.

“No, daddy has to eat only one or his teeth hurt. You take this one. Sweets make everything better, you won’t cry that much when your tummy is happy,” Dani placed the pack of sweets on the Czech’s lap and started climbing up the bed to give his dad a big hug.

“No can do, he’s the doctor here,” Emil laughed and pulled the boy up to him.

“Alright, thank you, Dani. Well, I think I will go. It was nice seeing you, Emil, I hope everything is fine soon,” the man stood up and, hearing a few encouraging words from Emil in Czech again, he walked towards the door. Michele couldn’t not notice that despite the smile, his eyes were red and swollen and once he turned his head from Emil, even the smile faded away quickly. He looked back at the bed where Emil was fighting with the zipper on Dani’s jacket and sighed.

“Lukáš, wait…” he went to the hall after the tall man. Lukáš seemed surprised as he stopped and looked back. Why wouldn’t he be when it was a husband of his old friend talking to him without them even knowing each other? Or was he only a boyfriend? He wasn’t really sure.

“I’m sorry I kicked you out like this, Mr. Crispino, I really appreciate it,” he spoke quietly. Michele wasn’t sure if it was because of them standing in the hall or if it was the fact tears were slowly forcing themselves out.

“Don’t mention it, just… Are you sure you’re alright?” he asked. He didn’t really know why, he didn’t understand why he should care about this man whom he’d never seen before and probably will never see again, but he still couldn’t shake off the feeling he should feel grateful. That he owed him.

“No,” was the simple answer. “I am not alright at all, Mr. Crispino, my brother is dead and I am devastated.” Michele shivered slightly at the answer. It was true. How could he be even remotely okay after this? He didn’t really know what to say to that. But before he could get at least a quiet “I’m sorry” out of his throat, Lukáš continued talking. “But I’m glad it helped Emil get better. I’m glad my brother could help him. You know, he was stupid,” he wiped his eyes as the tears were now streaming down his cheeks again. And that smile, that stupid smile was back on his face, too. “A car crash, you know. He was driving too fast, didn’t look properly and boom, he was out in the field,” Michele waited. The words he was hearing, accompanied by the shaky breaths of the man speaking, gave him goosebumps. It was terrible just imagining something like that. “He made a mistake and paid for it terribly, but at least it gave someone a second chance. Someone who deserves it,” he looked towards the door leading to Emil’s room. “He talks so nicely about you. You mean the world to him, he would die for you. And for Dani. I’m glad my brother helped save your family. And that changes it from absolutely shitty to at least a bit alright.”

“But still… It must feel terrible, I can’t imagine losing my sister like this…”

“People come, people go… We have to deal with it sooner or later in our lives.” Again, Michele felt as if a ghost touched him. The realness of his words was painful. “See you, Mr. Crispino. I appreciate what you did for me today,” the Czech man finally turned around and started walking down the hall.

“W-Wait!” Michele made a few quick steps and grabbed onto the other man’s elbow. “I need to know something before you go.”

“Yeah…?” Lukáš looked up, his eyes curious, yet still slightly sad.

“Do all Czechs have such terrible taste in music?”

The other man couldn’t help but laugh finally. “Yes, yes we do,” he answered before finally turning around and leaving for good.

 ***

“We’re gonna be late, dad,” Dani insisted. It didn’t move Mickey, though, he knew they still had more than an hour of time and if anything happened, they could take a bus. Well, they would probably take the bus anyway, Dani’s feet must’ve been freezing.

“We’re not gonna be late, sweetie, we’ve got plenty of time for everything we’ve planned for today.”

“How long can we stay with daddy?”

“About 20 minutes. I know, honey,” he quickly added when he saw the pout on Dani’s face. “Don’t make that face or it’ll stay on forever,” he kissed Dani’s nose to get his thoughts somewhere else.

“Tickles!”

“I know, and I’ll tickle you even more if you don’t start smiling again,” Michele threatened with a fake frown. Thank goodness Dani started laughing.

He wished he could give Dani everything he wanted, but sometimes it just wasn’t possible. Especially when it came to time. They had too much to do. They had to go to the pharmacy and look for some new meds for Dani. For some reason his allergies kicked in again and his hands already had a rash on them. _Please, don’t let it be_ another _allergy, my little angel doesn’t deserve this…_ But he didn’t mind it. If all his time had to go to his son, be it. It was a miracle he could still find time for skating. And he didn’t do too bad, in fact, even though this was probably his last season. Things changed too much. The younglings knew at 15 what he finally learned at 24 and, who was he kidding, the time was going too fast for his body. Of course, he wasn’t old. But he was considered ancient in the figure skating world. And he sure wasn’t Viktor Nikiforov to do this forever. Though, he wanted to continue for as long as possible. As long as it wasn’t dangerous to him. He couldn’t afford to get injured or ill, too. His little sunshine had been through too much already…

 ***

Finally. Finally Michele shook his hand with the cheerful older man who let them live in his flat for almost four months. The man insisted it was his pleasure, but Michele still slipped him an envelope with what he considered an appropriate compensation for the lease they should’ve been paying him.

Emil looked so good. Not only health-wise, but he really seemed more handsome than ever. His hair was overgrown and Michele suspected he was trying to grow it long on purpose. The beard was finally trimmed again, Emil was slowly gaining his weight back and his eyes were no longer tired and sunken in. He just looked gorgeous and Michele didn’t skip one time to tell him. Dani still looked tired, but he was sure their little boy would soon cheer up after they get back home. They’d buy him some new toys and definitely a new notebook to draw in for how brave he was the whole time. And he was invited to Fia’s birthday party, that was for sure the reason Dani couldn’t wait to get back home as soon as possible. For the past three days Emil had to carry Dani everywhere. The boy refused to let go of him as if Emil was to disappear whenever Dani turns away from him. It was adorable, yet sad at the same time. He didn’t want to see his son battling anxiety like this. It didn’t matter how many times they explained that Emil was alright now, no matter how many times Dani nodded to it and said he understood. He was still scared and Emil couldn’t even use the bathroom without Dani knocking on the door in panic. He slept with them in their bed, too, as he couldn’t stand the feeling of being alone at night, but Michele knew Emil was happy for it. He couldn’t be with his family for so long, so cuddling them both at night was what made him truly happy.

“So. You missed the world championship because of me?” Emil asked. He didn’t seem surprised, maybe just a little disappointed.

“Of course I did, what was I supposed to do? My hus-… my boyfriend was in hospital dying, no way I’d travel across the world to skate.”

“But you’re going to skate next week, right?”

“Yeah, I will,” he smiled and planted a kiss on Emil’s cheek.

Michele enjoyed the rest of the season. He was happier and calmer than ever, his performances were consistently good and having Emil and Dani at the bleachers every time felt amazing. Especially when he didn’t have to be worried about them anymore. Emil was doing great and so was Dani. For some reason his allergies calmed down. Well, the reason was probably Emil slowing down. He became an A+ parent. It was a little unexpected. Emil was young, very young. And Michele would never expect him to become a full-time dad at 23. But for now, Emil was the one weighing every meal for Dani to make sure it was balanced and healthy, he was the one taking care of their laundry, he was the one cooking and taking care of the vegetable patch in the garden Michele started two years ago. And he seemed really happy. For a while.

“I think you could start practicing again, don’t you think?” Michele asked one evening. They were sitting on the couch, watching some old black and white movie and Emil had his head rested on Michele’s shoulder.

“Maybe… I don’t know,” he muttered without any noticeable excitement.

“Or how about we go to the mountains for the weekend? You could start snowboarding again,” Michele offered.

“Nah, you should practice,” Emil brushed the idea off the table.

“Seriously, are you going to sit on your butt all your life?” Michele joked and tugged on Emil’s beard lightly. “Are you even listening to me?”

“Yeah, sure…” Emil yawned. He probably wasn’t listening at all. But the lack of movement in Emil’s life really bothered Michele. This was a young man who never said no to any challenge, the boy who traveled to India and ended up taking a flight home from North Korea four months later (he never explained to Mickey how the hell he managed to do that). And suddenly he didn’t want to skate, he didn’t want to hike, he didn’t want to climb… All he did was taking care of his son and boyfriend. Something was visibly off and Mickey couldn’t put his hand on what it was. Was there something Emil wasn’t telling him? Or did he really just… matured?

Summer came and Emil refused all the offers he got from his former friends to go on various expeditions. He didn’t want to go fishing to Brazil. He didn’t want to go tease his luck with the volcanos in Hawaii. He didn’t want to go to Siberia to test his survival skills.

“Emil, seriously, what’s wrong with you?” Michele asked. Probably way more harshly than he intended. His voice was just as bitter as it was before he met Emil all those years ago.

“What do you mean?”

“You said no to them. To all of them. It’s fishing in Brazil! _Fishing_! In _Brazil_!!! You haven’t gone fishing for years now and it’s summer, I can take care of Dani while you’re away,” he sighed. The frustration in his voice was very clear, he just wanted Emil to have some fun and enjoy himself. But now Emil’s eyes looked just sad and empty. “Look, Mili, I know how you feel-“

“No, you don’t.”

That definitely wasn’t an answer he expected. Not in this tone, anyway. He reached and placed his hand on Emil’s cheek. Emil was right, he couldn’t tell what it was that made his boyfriend so sad, no matter how much he tried.

“Fine, I don’t. But that’s why I need you to talk to me, okay?” he said, his dark, purple eyes full of worries. It was hard to make Emil talk these days. Emil, who had to be forced to close his mouth most of the time, was now so quiet the house seemed empty even with everyone inside.

“Just… Let me stay at home, please,” Emil finally spoke. His voice was slightly shaky as he pierced Michele’s eyes with his gaze. “I don’t want to make everyone worried again, Mickey, it wouldn’t be fair to you.”

“Worried? I am worried about you _now_ , Mili, this is not you. And I’m not talking about all the refused trips, I’m talking about you here, at home. You’re so sad all the time, even Dani noticed already,” he sighed, his thumb brushing over Emil’s cheekbone.

“I know, I’m sorry…”

“Shove your _I’m sorry_ you know where, young man, I don’t want to hear apologies, I want to hear what’s going on in that stupid, giant head of yours!”

“I don’t want to-“

“Yeah, I know you don’t want to talk about it, but _I_ want to talk about it!” Michele was losing his temper. After such a long time he was raising his voice on Emil as if both of them were five years younger. “You’re my family, Emil, and I care about you whether you like it or not! And I am tired of seeing your sad face everywhere I go when I know you’d be so much happier just getting your ass out of this stupid house for once!”

“I’m scared, okay?!”

There was silence. That kind of silence that digs deep inside your chest and leaves holes that hurt even hours after. That kind of silence that feels like eternity, even though it lasts only for a few seconds. That kind of silence that makes your mind work extra just to come up with something to say, but your mouth can’t say anything anyways. _That_ kind of hopeless silence.

“What are you scared of?” Michele finally asked, his voice quiet now. He was shook by what he just heard. How Emil said it, how desperate his face looked… He felt the man, who was never scared of anything, the man who always told him everything would be okay, the man who could get through the worst grief with a smile on his face, shaking.

“I am scared that it will happen again,” he almost whispered. Emil’s body was tense, shaking, he was piercing Michele’s eyes with his and Michele could see that those were eyes of a desperate man. “I am scared that once I get on ice, I will collapse. I’m scared that I will leave abroad and you’ll be worried about me again, I’m scared that whatever I do my body won’t be able to take it anymore, I’m scared when I go up the stairs and can’t breathe suddenly, Mickey, there are so many things that terrify me,” he took a shaky breath, “And I can’t give you and Dani any more trouble, I can’t-“

“Calm down, okay? Take a deep breath,” Michele had to step in. He was already holding Emil’s face with both his hands, forcing the man to calm down and breathe for a bit. “Listen to me you Czech stubborn idiot,” he spoke calmly. “Whether you like it or not, you will have to leave the house one day. This lifestyle is killing you more than your heart problems. So let me just ask one thing. Do you miss figure skating?”

“I-“

“Answer me. Do you miss it?”

“Y-Yeah… I miss it a lot.”

Michele finally smiled and pecked Emil’s lips.

“Fine. I’m hiring you. You’re my coach now.”

“But-“

“I said you’re my coach now. And you should start working because I need two new routines for the next season,” he smirked and let go of Emil. “Oh, and… Send my manager your payment information. You’re not doing this for free.”


	13. The Message

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life wasn’t fair. It definitely wasn’t. But sometimes things felt a little better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end, my sweet children. :')   
> It's been a wild ride full of happy times, sad times, angst, but mostly full of love. I hope you enjoyed this bit of writing and that it will stick with you for some time or you'll happily come back to it over time. Thank you all who spent their time reading this excessively long piece and gave me support and thanks to my lovely tumblr user @treflev for letting me break her heart.  
> And no matter what, remember that love will always win.

“I- I can’t!” he huffed out.

“Nonsense, give it to me, Mickey!” Emil cheered, looking down the stairs at the visibly frustrated and tired Italian man. “I said ten more.”

“It’s… Fucking… Impossible!” Michele exclaimed angrily as he made his way up the short staircase. Again.

“It would be way easier if you stopped whining and just ran, you know.”

“Don’t talk to me in that tone!” Michele yelled as he finally reached the top, turned around and ran back down. This was the 41st run up and down he made.

“I’m your coach, Mickey, I’m doing this for your own good. Shut up. And. Run.”

It was incredible how much Emil changed when you put a whistle around his neck. But it was a good change, in fact, anything was better than the Emil that was locked at home with Dani. Also, Dani got over his separation anxiety and started going to the kindergarten, which was great. Michele wanted him to have more friends his age. Not that having best friends among the top world figure skaters was a bad thing, it was certainly something others would be jealous of when Dani is older, but Mickey was glad his son had more and more friends his age every day.

Emil did something Michele didn’t expect and really started their practices only a week after Michele’s proposal. Stating Mickey was getting out of shape after the long break, he dragged him to the local gym to get all kinds of tests done on him and came home with a thick folder of results he read through almost all night. Mickey knew Emil was a good coach, but never really experienced his… well, coaching. The only time he saw Emil with Otabek or his other students was on ice, he didn’t know what was going on behind the scenes. He could imagine, but wasn’t sure. What came, though, blew his mind.

Emil was adamant. As someone who always put others before himself and owned the kindest, purest heart in the world, when coaching, Emil turned into a beast. Not that he was rude or angry, in fact, he never raised his voice on Mickey, not even once. But he was so straight forward and demanded 101% accuracy and commitment. Sometimes Mickey thought it’s not his boyfriend standing in front of him. He complained a lot. The practice was so much harder than what he did before and when Emil showed him the practice plan for the first time, he was sure his body wouldn’t make it. It seemed just too much.

“Stop using your age as an excuse. Your body is in a great condition and if we start now, you can get all the golds this year,” Emil assured him in a firm voice. “Everyone’s condition is dropping and I watched the young ones, none of them has it all, you know. Some are great jumpers, some are great skaters, but right now there’s no one having it both balanced. And that’s what we’re going to do with you,” he gave the Italian a wide smile. “You’ll finally work on your quads and we’ll get you some bad ass music you can relate to. We’ll make you win this year, I promise.”

“You can’t promise that, you don’t know what will happen.”

“I said,” Emil looked right into Michele’s eyes as he took his hand, “I’ll make you win.”

Mickey thought he’d die the first two weeks. He did nothing but work out, he didn’t even get on the ice. Emil came up with such exercise he’d never heard of before and, as much as he hated it, he had to admit it was damn efficient. Every single muscle in his body hurt, even those he didn’t know he had. And Emil, surprisingly, could name each and every of them. It never really get to him how much Emil’s university degree meant to him. And how hard he had to work to get it, as much as it sounded like a piece of cake to Michele. Emil knew well what he was doing and, in fact, after a few weeks he started working out with his boyfriend. Way slower and with way less intensity, but he did. And that made Michele happier than anything. Emil was getting back on his track. Who knew, maybe he would start skating again, soon. Michele was definitely excited.

BANG!

“SHIT!”

“Are you okay?”

“I fell on my ass, how could I be okay?!!!”

“Get up, again.”

“You’re shitting me...”

“ _Again_ , Mickey.”

“I heard you the first time!”

The quad loop was Emil’s specialty, but, for some reason, Michele just wasn’t able to pick it up. They’d been working on it for the past two weeks. Over and over again and still with no luck. Michele was getting frustrated. He spent most of the day yelling at Emil for wanting something impossible, but Emil didn’t give in. He didn’t seem to listen to Michele at all and just gave his commands and praises according to Michele’s performance. He showed him everything Michele needed to see (it was amazing that he was still able to land the jump properly even after such a long break) and was as patient as one could be in a situation like this.  “Look, the more times I can see it, the faster I’ll find what you do wrong,” he said. But he still couldn’t put his hand on it. Michele had everything he needed, they worked on his upper body strength, they worked on his overall body posture too. Even his pirouettes got so much better after this, despite Michele being convinced there was nothing to improve on them. Emil had a good eye. And Michele was a bit too harsh on him when he, in the heat of his own frustration, yelled at him for not telling him about all the flaws before. But soon he realized there was no time for playing games and arguing over small things. Emil was serious and so was him, they wanted to win and so they would.

It took Michele a month and a half to finally perfect the quad jump to the point he landed 80% of his attempts during practice. He was as sure as one could be and Emil was proud of him more than ever. The routines he made for the Italian were heavy on energy and preciseness, they both knew Michele had to give his everything into it to make them look not just somewhat good, but absolutely stunning. But Michele was determined to make it. Now it wasn’t only about him, he worked so hard to make Emil proud of him and to make everyone notice Emil, too. Finally. He deserved to get some more attention from the figure skating world, even if he wasn’t to lay his foot on the ice as a competitor ever again.

The season was a blast. Right in the first competition Michele was able to surpass his personal record and held his gold medal on the podium with a proud smile. Of course, with Emil and Dani clapping enthusiastically behind the boards. Dani was still going everywhere with them, cheering for his dad as much as he could. For this occasion Emil even had a special t-shirt with Michele’s picture done for him. It was incredible to finally go back to his family with the medal swinging down his neck. He picked Dani up and hugged Emil with the free arm and enjoyed the smile on Emil’s face when he finally said “Thank you.”

It was true, he never really thanked Emil for all the hard work he put into his practice and preparations. For the energy he had to put into his boyfriend who kept constantly whining and complaining. But it was all so worth it and he could see in Emil’s eyes he felt the same.

“Are you crying?” he grinned with a hint of tease in his voice.

“No, of course I’m not!” Emil quickly rubbed his eyes and hugged both his boys tightly.

“You’re totally crying, dad,” Dani laughed and kissed both his dads’ cheeks.

Dani looked so much happier those days. He could feel his dads were in sync again, that they loved each other more than ever and that they needed each other more than ever. He was no more scared they would leave each other or, god forbid, leave _him_. He was a big boy now, four years old. He was one of the oldest kids in his class in the kindergarten and all his teachers liked him very much. Why wouldn’t they when he was such a lovable child.

They enjoyed the season. They travelled a lot, Michele made it to the European championship, to the Worlds and even to the GPF. It was his best season yet and he was well aware he’d never make it without his amazing lover’s help. Every performance he skated didn’t end until he gave his coach a tight, firm hug and thanked him. Everything was fine, everything was amazing and Emil was, once again, so in love with life.

BANG!

“SHIT!”

“Watch your mouth. Are you okay?”

“Sorry… Yeah, I’m fine.”

Emil was kneeling down on the floor, picking up the glass shards carefully. “Tell Dani to wear his slippers today around here, please,” he muttered and dropped the bits and pieces of his favourite glass into the trash. Michele was quiet.

“Please? I don’t want him to step on something sharp,” Emil look up at him and spoke a bit louder.

“That’s the fourth time this week, Emil,” Michele pointed out.

In fact, it was the fifth. First it was a plate, then Michele’s coffee mug and Dani’s soup bowl and finally this stupid glass. And, of course, the little vase they got from his mother that Emil dropped when Michele was picking Dani up from the kindergarten. Not to mention all the dropped forks and spoons and books and phones.

“I know, I’m sorry…” he sighed. “I need to focus more…”

“Are your hands okay?” Michele asked without any sugarcoating.

“Of course my hands are okay!” he quickly replied. “Why wouldn’t they be okay, you act as if you never dropped anything!”

“I haven’t dropped half the kitchen in one week, that’s for sure,” Michele smirked and walked over to Emil. He hugged him from behind and rested his head against his back. “Look, I’m not mad or anything, I just want to be sure you feel alright.”

“I know,” Emil admitted. All their arguments were pointless for the past few weeks. But he was glad for them. It dragged the attention away from his weakening body. “I’m okay, don’t worry.”

“You don’t have to hide things from us, you kno-“

“I’m okay, Mickey,” he turned around and hugged the Italian. As he was about to kiss him, the little face with gleaming brown eyes peaked into the kitchen.

“Did something break?” Dani asked curiously. He was developing a slight hoarding addiction and was especially attracted to shiny things. Of course some pretty shards of broken glass would be great for some of his drawings and clay sculptures (no matter how many times his dads told him not to touch them).

“Yep, a glass broke, so today is a slippers day, no bare foot on the floor!” Emil smiled and sent the boy back to his room for the piggy slippers he got for birthday.

 ***

They stopped over at a flower shop, too. Despite it being winter, Michele always brought a rose to Emil. They visited him every two or three days, so it was no problem to clean and get rid of. And Emil loved getting flowers.

It’d been almost a year now and still, he felt so uneasy standing in front of the tall, metal gate. He grabbed the giant handle and opened it, letting Dani slip behind it and lead the way. The boy knew it by heart by then and so he ran, moving around the gravestones as if he was on some sort of a children’s playground. Michele walked slowly behind him. It still hurt. Every time he was getting close, it hurt way more than he thought it would. Every time he thought it was getting better, the moment he stood in front of the actual gravestone and saw his name engraved into it, it hurt so, so badly. Once more in his life he was glad to have Dani because without him, he would probably never visit this place. That’s how much it hurt. When he finally came close, Dani was already on his usual spot, sitting on the tomb stone, talking quietly. Michele stopped and just watched. It was polite to give Dani some alone time with Emil. Or, well, with the place Dani believed Emil still was, anyway. He watched the boy snuggled in his little blue coat and with the teddy bear hat on his head speaking and laughing, he was probably telling Emil how his day at the kindergarten was. He then placed the little dog figure next to the pile of other figures and toys he’d hoarded there for Emil over time. Michele’s heart hurt. Every day this was one of the most beautiful, yet saddest things he could ever see. He was so happy his son was this brave and strong, way stronger than he himself was. After all this, Dani wasn’t bitter in the slightest. He took life as it was and didn’t try to fight anything. He embraced all the good there was, just like… Like Emil…

He finally took a few steps closer to Dani and smiled softly.

“Can I join you, young man?” he asked just to make sure Dani didn’t need some more time alone with his dad.

“Mhm, can you give daddy the picture I made?” Dani looked up to his dad with a wide smile.

“Yep, here it goes,” Michele squatted next to Dani and put the picture into the folder he attached to the gravestone right after their first visit here. It was already full of Dani’s pictures. He was sure strangers who went around sometimes looked at them since the pages were constantly out of order. But he didn’t mind. Dani always drew the happiest pictures and if they were to help someone else in their grief, be it.

He added the rose to a tall vase standing on the tombstone. There were five more, but they were all frozen. No need to throw them out yet. He looked at Dani and gently fixed the hat on his head. And Dani started talking again, explaining to Emil what he did in the kindergarten and, of course, he had to tell him about the theatre play they would be doing there. Dani would play one of the three piglets and couldn’t wait for it.

Michele didn’t really listen. He, again, had his gaze fixed on the name carved in the stone and the picture attached next to it. The cheerful, smiling face…

He remembered how fast it all went. First it was glasses falling, then it was Emil blacking out randomly… It took only two weeks and Emil was back in the hospital, weak, pale… It was so unfair. So unfair that someone who loved nothing more than simply living was denied just that. The fact that Emil was so in peace with it made it even worse. He knew it was coming and wasn’t even sad about it. But Michele was devastated, he cried his eyes out every day at Emil’s bed, begging him not to give up, but it was too late. Emil left the world with a smile on his face, holding Michele’s hand, telling him how much he loved him and how lucky he was to share the short life with him and their wonderful child. Dani cried all night. And all day. And another night to it. And so did Michele. Suddenly they were two sad boys, missing the one person who always told them it would be fine, the one person who always _made_ everything fine. But Dani was sure the first one to get over it. Now it was him dragging Michele from the depths of depression. So successfully, in fact, Michele didn’t even think of drinking. Dani kept bringing him the beeping phone. Dani made him talk to people. Dani made him read the amazing messages all their friends sent him, Dani made him invite them over so that he wasn’t alone. Dani made him smile.

And now, Dani was talking to Emil, who was no longer there, and kept explaining to him how strong Michele was and how proud he was of him. Michele smiled softly and picked Dani up, hugging him tightly.

“Oh, you little flatterer,” he said, kissing Dani’s red, cold cheek. “Did you tell daddy where we’re going today, though? I think he’d love to know.”

Because he himself would never find the courage to say it out loud in front of him. And he hated himself for it. He knew he wasn’t doing anything wrong, but… It still sounded better when Dani said it.

 

Twenty minutes later they were getting off the bus that stopped in front of the train station.

“When does it arrive, daddy?” Dani asked curiously, his eyes glued to the giant light board full of numbers he could read, but also words he couldn’t understand.

“In five minutes, sweetheart,” Michele replied, looking at the board, too. “Say, Dani…” he started speaking carefully. “I know we talked about it already, but… Are you sure it’s okay with you? Do you really not mind it?”

“No-oh,” Dani shook his head. “You smile when you’re on the phone together.”

Michele smiled with a little nod. He knew this was Dani’s way of saying _Do what you want, as long as it makes you happy_ and he was so grateful for it. He walked with Dani to the platform and waited. The air was fresh and filled with excitement. Michele took out his phone and sent a very simple message that said: “We’re waiting.”

It was a bit bizarre. On one hand he couldn’t forgive himself for moving on so quickly, on the other hand he just really wanted to be happy. And he knew he would if things went well. Dani looked so much calmer, too, everything was great and, hopefully, would be even better now. He stared at the phone screen for a while. After Emil’s sudden death he got thousands of messages from everyone he knew. Other skaters, his friends, his family, Emil’s family, coaches, fans… But there was one that stuck with him a bit more than the others. It was actually the only one he was able to reply to, though the sender was someone he wouldn’t expect to hear from. After all, they hadn’t spoken or seen each other for more than a year. He was the only one who seemed to understand how hard it was for them.

“Dad! Is it the train? Is it?” Dani was bouncing in his arms, pointing to the distance. Michele smiled and felt his heart jump up actually. It’d been a long time since he had the butterflies in his stomach and definitely wasn’t expecting it now. He noticed the grin Dani was giving him.

“What?”

“You’re blushing, dad.”

“No, I’m not!”

“You aaaaare!” Dani laughed and hugged Michele tightly around his neck. He was so glad to see his father smile like this again. To smile like he meant it, not just the pretend smile he kept giving him after daddy Emil was gone. He looked back up again when the train finally stopped. His eyes were shifting from car to car, from door to door, curious from which their visitor would come out.

“Lukáš!” Dani exclaimed and started waving excitedly when he finally saw the tall man stepping out onto the platform.

Michele’s heart stopped for a bit. It’d been some time since they saw each other, but he definitely didn’t remember the Czech looking so… good? Lukáš had his usual undercut, but now there were glasses with thick frames on his nose and he looked so elegant in his dark brown coat and the grey scarf around his neck. He was carrying a giant suitcase with him. Of course he was, he was moving in with them after all and Michele was sure the suitcase wasn’t holding nearly half of his possession. Lukáš smiled bright at the sound of Dani’s voice and slowly made his way towards them through the crowd. Michele started panicking. How should he greet him? What does he do? This was so embarrassing, he felt as if he was young, dating for the first time again. His worries were groundless, though. As Lukáš came near, he immediately leaned down to kiss Mickey instead of any kind of greeting.

“How long have you been waiting?” he asked. Michele couldn’t not notice his cheeks were just as red as his own probably were. Before he could say anything, though, Dani was already protesting.

“Not fair! Not fair! I want a kiss too!” he pouted, raising his arms towards Lukáš. Whether he wanted or not, the Czech had to let go of his luggage and take Dani in his arms, kissing his cheeks playfully.

“I’m sorry, little man, how could I forget about you?” he grinned.

“Dani, come on, let go, we should get home quick or we all catch a cold.”

“No, I want Lukáš to carry me, he'staller,” Dani protested. Michele smiled and shook his head lightly. He knew it was hard at first to understand for Dani that he could love someone else than Emil, but now he was okay with it. He accepted Lukáš into the family fairly quickly, though he wasn’t willing to call him a dad just yet. And that was absolutely fine. Dani looked happy with Michele’s new boyfriend and Lukáš was so nice to Dani all the time... He could see this working.

“Alright, alright, as you wish, sweetheart,” Michele laughed and took the visitor’s suitcase instead, leading their way back to the bus that would take them home.

“Did my skis arrive?” Lukáš asked. Of course, the skis. Lukáš was a Czech biathlonist. Quite famous, despite the fact he wasn’t able to reach the gold just yet. He was passionate about it, though, and that’s what Michele loved about him. He was so passionate about everything…

“Yeah, they’re in the hall, just waiting for you to unpack them. Also, Dani drew a few pictures on the box for you, hope you don’t mind it.”

“Not at all. I might even cut them out and save them,” Lukáš replied calmly and rubbed Dani’s back.

Dani started talking again. It was another person he could tell about his role as a little piglet, after all, so he took the chance once it came. As they sat in the bus, Dani sitting on Lukáš’s lap giving him the speech of his life, Michele couldn’t get his eyes off his lover’s face. Lukáš was blushing slightly, looking at his son with his green eyes that showed so much love as if this little boy was the most precious thing in the world. And from time to time he gave the same look even to Michele. The Italian reached for his hand and gently squeezed it. The ride would take another half an hour, so he rested his head on the Czech’s shoulder, closed his eyes and listened to his son and their new family membet talking. Life wasn’t fair. It definitely wasn’t. But sometimes things felt a little better. And Michele was glad for it. Michele was finally happy again.

 


End file.
